Always in Motion
by LadyDae
Summary: Sakura thought the future had nothing but good in store for her. But the future is always in motion and nothing could have prepared her to deal with the horror the future really had in store, nor could she had fathomed the consequences and ending results.
1. Part I

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura, if I did, it would have a direct continuation. But that's what fanfiction is for.

**AN: **I'm bored. I won't be done with _Love Always_ until at least May and I miss conversing with my reviews and readers on this website. So I threw this little piece together a few weeks ago, based on a short oneshot that I expanded. It's not nearly long enough to rival my longest stories which knock on 90k+ words, but it wasn't short enough to be a oneshot after I expanded it. So I'm posting it in three parts of about eight thousand words, which would make it the equivalent of a short story.

In any case, there are some warnings before you move on. The first is that this story contains not only the mentions of, but also dealing with the aftermath of **_rape_. **It's not graphic. Just very emotional, angsty, and focused on the road to healing. I've never been through that before, but for some reason I suddenly felt the need to right this. So for anyone who has been through it or is sensitive to the topic now, you may continue to read, but note that I'm giving sufficient warning if you need to turn back.

All other notes are at the end.

Read, enjoy, and review!

* * *

><p><strong>Always in Motion<strong>

**Part I**

She had stopped struggling a long time ago, figuring it would be quicker that way. Her throat was too raw to scream anymore. Besides, there was no point. The deed was already done. Why continue to fight for something she couldn't get back? That didn't stop her from sobbing at what they had done to her though, even after it stopped, her assaulters crawling to the front seat and turning on the car, probably to go dump her somewhere. One of them turned to look at her and rolled his eyes, annoyed with her tears.

"Stop bitching about it. It wasn't that bad."

Sakura only turned her head to look away from them. She was humiliated enough as it was. When the car stopped again, the driver said, "Get out."

Sakura didn't move. She couldn't even though she wanted to.

"Really," the one on the other end said getting out the car, opening the back door and forcing Sakura to sit up as he pulled her out the car, leaving her on the sidewalk they had found her on. He threw her book bag out to her and then got back in the car, closing the door just as it sped off leaving her on her knees on the empty sidewalk.

She sat there for a moment, feeling numb, unable to believe this had happened to her, that they… She huffed. That's what she got for wanting to be normal, for all but ignoring her magical life, leaving her most powerful magic in a drawer in her desk, something that might have been able to prevent this. This is what happened to normal girls.

"I have to get home," she whispered to herself as she slowly reached out to grab her book bag before standing on shaky feet, ignoring the ache in her bare lower regions. She had no time to rest, to try to adjust herself besides making sure her skirt was in place, covering where they had torn her panties off. It was already late.

When Sakura arrived at the house, she tried to slip in without anyone noticing. Unfortunately, Toya came out the kitchen at that moment. She mentally cursed. She forgot he was coming over for dinner today.

"Hey squirt. You're home late, but just in time for dinner… Why are your eyes so red? Have you been crying?"

No. Not now…

"I'm fine," she said quickly.

"No you're not. What happened?" Toya said reaching out to touch her tear streaked face, but Sakura backed away from his touch.

"I…" Sakura swallowed trying to hold back tears. She didn't want to talk about this right now. She just wanted to go to sleep for a while, to make the pain go away.

"Sakura," Toya said sternly.

The tears fell again. Sakura dropped her bag, rushing past her brother and letting out a sob as she ran upstairs to lock herself in the bathroom.

She turned on the fan and then collapsed onto the floor, ignoring the pounding of her brother's fist against the door and later Kero's voice outside it.

How could she tell them what happened, what those monsters had done to her? How was she supposed to explain that she had been raped?

"Oh god…" she whispered, leaning against the wall. "I…"

Sakura choked back a sob as the realization set in. She had been raped. What would people say when she told them that she, the supposedly most powerful sorceress in the world (she never really believed it and certainly didn't now), had allowed herself to be violated in such a way, wasn't able to put up enough of a fight to get away. Part of her reminded herself that there had been three men, that there was no way she could have taken them on her own but still…

She sighed unable to cry anymore. She wanted nothing more than to feel numb, to not feel so dirty and terrified. At the very least, she had survived it and because she had survived it, she could live with this secret. No one had to know. She just had to forget it and move on.

When she didn't hear or see Toya and Kero at the door, she tiptoed out the bathroom and made her way to her room. She was so tired. She just wanted to sleep and make the pain go away so she could forget everything.

It didn't work. For the better part of a week, she claimed she was too sick to go to school when in truth she was so tired because of the nightmares that forced her to relive her rape, the feelings of their hands touching her breasts as they thrust inside her, the way they tried to convince her that she wanted it.

She couldn't forget it. Her mind wouldn't let her and she was at her wits end after almost a week and tried to force herself to stay awake. Better to be awake than to relive her nightmare. It must have gotten to her, because a little after midnight, she started to see a light, shining white light and for a brief moment, Sakura hoped that it meant the end of her suffering; that this was her end; that he body had given out on her. But it wasn't. Instead, the light lessened and left in its place was the ghostly image of her mother. She was dreaming, she convinced herself, but it was the first night in a week that it wasn't a nightmare, so she reached out her hand.

"Mom," she whispered.

Nadeshiko's ghost nodded slowly, sadness and worry etched into her features as she stood before Sakura, who was unsure what to do. What was she supposed to say? How could she say anything after…? Tears pooled in her eyes again and Nadeshiko opened her arms to her.

Sakura launched into them, needing this comfort. But it wasn't warm. This was just a ghost of her mother, if it was at all real.

"Oh Sakura," Nadeshiko said softly.

"I'm sorry mom. I didn't mean for it to happen."

"I know. You're not to blame darling. You had no control over this."

"I should have."

"But you didn't," Nadeshiko said to her. "I know it hurts. You shouldn't have to go through this, but I'm here right now. Don't worry."

Sakura sighed, closing her eyes, still unsure of whether or not this was a dream, but not caring anymore.

"I miss you."

Nadeshiko smiled a little. "I miss you too Sakura. You're so precious to me."

Sakura shook her head. "No I'm not. I'm not pure anymore."

"Don't say that. You did nothing wrong," Nadeshiko said and then added, "I can't stay long Sakura. You're not supposed to see me. I can't stay here with you like this."

"I don't want you go. Please stay. Keep holding me."

"I can't," Nadeshiko whispered. "I'll always be with you, but I can't stay like this."

Sakura began to cry again saying, "I don't know if I can do it mom. I can't live like this."

"Yes you can. You'll get through it. You won't suffer alone. I promise someone will come and help make this better, someone who won't be forced to leave you."

Sakura nodded, but she didn't believe it.

"I love you little one. Be strong. Everything will be fine."

Sakura closed her eyes, allowing herself to fall asleep, and when she opened them again, her room was empty, her mother gone. Sakura sighed. It had just been a dream, a pleasant one and the first good rest she had gotten all week. With that in mind, she forced herself to get up and go to school.

"Feeling better?" Kero asked her.

Sakura nodded as she gathered her things and made her way to the bathroom. She hadn't looked in the mirror since a week ago, but she didn't look as bad as she thought she did. Sakura touched her cheek with that in mind. It was a good thing it hadn't bruised where they smacked her. That would have made it harder for her to avoid explaining what had happened. However there were bruises present on her upper arm where they had held her down. Luckily, her sleeves were just long enough to cover them, especially when she put her jacket on.

Tears began to well up in her eyes again, but Sakura wouldn't let them fall, she had to put up a front, at least long enough to make it through the day. So she took in a deep shaky break and slowly got ready. When she was done, she put a hand on the door knob and schooled herself features to appear like everything was okay.

"But it's not okay," Sakura muttered to herself before opening the door and making her way downstairs.

"Good morning," she said feigning her usual cheerfulness and trying to ignore the strange looks she was getting from Kero, Toya, and her dad.

"Morning," Toya said exchanging a look with Fujitaka. "You look like you're feeling better. That was one nasty bug if it had you down all week. Sure you don't want to see a doctor or something?"

Sakura had to keep herself from tensing at the mention of that word. A doctor would know something was up and guess what happened. A doctor would force her to admit everything.

"No. I'm fine," Sakura said.

Kero looked at her with his arms crossed before saying, "If you say so. So now are you going to tell us why you were in hysteric last-"

"I'm leaving now," Sakura said. "I don't want to be late."

"Without breakfast?" Fujitaka asked and Sakura nodded, making her way out the kitchen with only a piece of toast in her mouth.

Fujitaka and Toya exchanged another look before Fujitaka decided to go after her. He caught her just as she was about to go out the door, touching her shoulder as he said, "Sakura. You know if there's something you need to tell someone, we're here."

Sakura jumped, snatching her shoulder out his hand, nearly tripping out the door as she did so. Seeing how her reaction startled him she said, "Clumsy me. Anyway, thanks dad. See you later!"

Sakura let out a sigh of relief as she got out of sight of home. It would be much easier to act like everything was okay at school than it would to do so at home. Hopefully by then she could come up with a decent story, especially after that with her dad. He was her dad for goodness sake. She shouldn't be afraid for him to touch her.

She'd deal with it later, she decided as she pushed all thoughts out her mind and got ready to fool everyone into thinking she was okay.

* * *

><p>"I'm worried about Sakura…. She's been acting strange," Toya said.<p>

Yue, who was doing what he normally did when within the subconscious of his false form (sleeping), stirred at hearing that from Toya. While he rarely paid attention to the mundane conversations his false form and Toya had, he always kept an ear out for something that concerned his mistress, particularly something wrong.

"Strange?" Yukito asked.

"Yeah. She came home last week in tears and wouldn't tell anyone what was wrong. Then she stayed in bed for nearly a week and got up a few days ago like nothing had happened and moved on," Toya said.

"Does she seem upset?"

Toya shrugged. "She doesn't act like it. It's just…"

Yue waited patiently to hear the response through Yukito.

"I guess it's just that her eyes seem dull lately. She smiles and acts cheerful, but it's like she's running on automatic or something. I just don't get it. She won't tell anyone what's wrong," Toya said. "Every time we try to bring it up, she finds a reason to run out the room."

"Well," Yukito replied. "She's fifteen. You know how that age is."

"I guess…" Toya said sighing. "Still."

That conversation was the reason Yue found himself flying to her house one night, just to make sure she was okay. It was an odd visit from the beginning. First of all, she wasn't in her room, though the window had been left open. So Yue quietly crept inside, careful not to wake his brother. Next he noticed that her bed was undone which meant at some point she had been in it and for some reason couldn't sleep or was awakened.

He crept out the room to find her, careful not to alert her father who, though aware of his existence, would probably ruin his plan to get Sakura to talk. Whatever it was, she didn't want anyone to know, but maybe he could pry it out of her, if only indirectly.

Yue found her outside in the backyard, knees pulled to her chest and eyes staring straight ahead, but not really looking anyway.

"Mistress," he said figuring she wasn't going to sense him there anytime soon. Her reaction concerned him.

She jumped, putting a hand over her mouth to muffle her yelp as she whipped around, fear in her eyes. Then her eyes landed on him, and she looked him over before sighing.

"Oh. Yue," she said looking relieved. "It's just you."

"What did you expect?"

Sakura didn't answer, and Yue determined that whatever was bothering her had to do with her reaction to seeing him there. She looked genuinely afraid for some reason, like she hadn't been seeing him at first. With this in mind, Yue decided to cut to the chase.

"Your brother said something was bothering you."

Sakura tensed, just a little as though she had realized she was tensing halfway through the motion. She rolled her shoulders to play it off and laughed while saying, "He's just being overprotective is all."

Yue didn't buy it. The way she stopped herself from tensing up told him that this was all an act of some sort, that she was only pretending that she was okay when she wasn't.

"You can't lie to me," he said to her. "You're hiding something. What is it?"

Sakura sighed. "I'm fine Yue."

"No one comes home crying for no reason and it turns out to be for nothing."

"Who told you that?" Sakura asked this time not trying to keep herself from tensing.

"I heard your brother tell Yukito."

Sakura sighed. "It was nothing Yue. Nothing you could help with anyway."

"So it was something?"

Sakura groaned. Damn Yue and his skill at playing with words!

"No… That's not what I meant. It's nothing to worry about."

"If that's the case, why are you trying so hard to hide it?"

"I'm not trying to hide it," Sakura grumbled, the irritation growing in her tone. "That doesn't mean I have to tell anyone."

"True. But why not tell if that's the case?"

Yue had been expecting her to cave to her the nervousness she always had when she was trying to lie and knowing she was failing. But while he had noticed that she seemed more desperate the longer she tried to keep it from him, he hadn't expected her to react like she did.

"Because admitting it happened means it's real, and I don't want it to be real!" she snapped loudly in her anger as she turned to look at him, and then seeming to realize what she said, how she said it, and who she said it too, she gasped, staring at Yue for a moment. She darted her eyes toward the ground as tears welled up in her eyes, bottom lip trembling.

"I just want to forget it. Why won't you let me forget it?"

"Sakura."

He only said her name when it was serious and this certainly counted. Upon hearing her name, she let the tears she had been holding in all week fall and a sob escape her as she sat on her knees and put her hands on her head.

Yue wasn't quite sure how to deal with this. It wasn't the first time he had seen her cry, but she had never been this devastated about something. First he had to get her to tell him what it was.

"Forget what?"

She looked up at him at that point, still crying, but now looking more nervous than anything as she said, "I didn't mean for it to happen. I didn't want it to happen. You'll believe me, right Yue?"

Yue was getting frustrated now and so he said in a sarcastic tone, "It would help if I knew what you were talking about."

She covered her face with her hands looking toward the ground as she confessed the source of her troubles.

"They hurt me Yue. They-They raped me."

It took Yue a moment to register what she had said for two reasons. The first was that it took him a minute to figure out what she had muttered. Then, when he did figure it out, he was so shocked by it that he couldn't fully comprehend it, thinking maybe he had heard wrong.

"What did you say?" he asked just to be sure.

"Please don't make me say it again," Sakura whispered

Yue hardly ever got angry. Annoyed? All the time. Frustrated? Often enough. But he was hardly ever truly angry. But this time warranted it.

"Who was it?"

Someone had done this to her and now as a result she was a mess, hardly able to function because of it, it seemed. No one deserved this no matter how old, but she was fifteen for God's sake. Too young to be so violently attacked like that.

"I don't know," Sakura said. "I… Please. Not now…"

The fragility of her voice made him push the anger aside. That was the last thing she needed or wanted right now. But he wasn't exactly the best person to get comfort from either. So he simply knelt down in front of her, not exactly sure what she would want or need, or even whether she'd react badly or not.

Sakura looked at him for a moment, sitting in front of her without anger or judgment, just there and seeing that, she threw herself at him, clinging onto him as she cried.

"Why can I still feel it? Why do I still feel their hands on me? How come it won't go away?"

"There, there little one," Yue muttered holding her to him and shielding her from the cold night air with his wings. "You don't have to suffer alone and in silence anymore. Go ahead and cry."

Sakura did so, for a long time in fact, until she fell asleep from pure exhaustion, but for once it wasn't restless. She actually felt safe for the first time in the last two weeks, felt like no one could hurt her again. When she woke up, it was to the smell of a musky lavender scent, one she was well acquainted with but had never found the chance to really appreciate like this before. Why was she in Yue's arms again…?

The previous night came rushing back to her. How he had forced her to admit what was really bothering her and instead of getting angry or even judging her, he knelt in front of her, his way of offering himself for whatever she needed and at that moment it had been a shoulder to cry on.

If only for that one thing, for simply being there even if he wasn't sure what she needed, she owed him an explanation. Not only that, but she needed to get it off her chest.

"It happened two weeks ago," Sakura began detecting Yue's surprise at her suddenness, but also his impatience, spurred by his curiosity at wanting to know the entire story.

"I saw the car earlier that day when I was at school, but I didn't think much of it. It was just a car, and it was just passing through. I had never seen it before. But after me and Tomoyo had split to go to our houses and I was on my way home, it came from the direction I was going in and stopped on the curb. I was just going to walk past it, but when I started to someone grabbed me from behind and pulled me into the back of the car."

Sakura clenched her fist tighter onto Yue's robes, trying to stop her trembling as she began to cry again. She could remember it so vividly. It was such a clear picture in her mind.

"They drove me somewhere," she whispered, "somewhere there weren't a lot of people. I don't know where."

"They?"

"It was three of them," she clarified, a dazed look coming in her eyes as she continued. "I tried to fight them. I tried to get away but they were stronger than me. When the car stopped, one of them held me down so I couldn't move, while another held my legs open and… and they took turns…" She couldn't finish, wouldn't finish. She couldn't relive that again. It was hard enough getting that far. "It hurt so much."

Sakura began to cry again, but this time not as long for she was tired of crying. She just wanted to put this all behind her, not think about all this anymore.

"You should tell someone. Besides me."

Sakura sat up to look at Yue, horrified that he would even make the suggestion. "No! I can't."

Seeing the way he set his jaw and the hard look in his eyes she added, "And you can't tell anyone either. Please don't tell anyone."

"You need help. I can't-"

"Yes you can! Please. I don't want them to worry about me. I don't want anything to change. I just want to be like I was before all this and if everyone finds out they'll treat me different. Yue!"

Yue sighed. Even without the reasoning, the desperation in her tone got him.

"Fine. I won't say anything. But I'll be watching you."

Sakura smiled a little. "You're always watching me. That's no different than usual."

* * *

><p>They thought it might get easier now that Sakura was willing to admit at least to Yue that she had been attacked, but that made the situation all the more delicate. The strangest things could trigger a flashback from the utterance of a simple harmless phrase to watching television. Yue couldn't always be there, but he was as often as he could without interfering with Yukito's life and under everyone else's radar.<p>

"Yue…"

He looked up at where she was sitting, staring at her homework that was scattered about the table from the previous night. He knew that look. Another flashback.

"Are you okay?"

Sakura shook her head. "Can you please just hold me for a minute?"

Yue came over to where she was kneeling and pulled her into his arms. She leaned into his chest and closed her eyes, letting out a sigh of relief.

After a while she said, "Sometimes I can still feel their hands touching and feeling me. Your touch makes it go away."

It wasn't the first time she had said it, for he had been holding her a lot in the past three weeks. As a result, Yue couldn't help but notice how thin she had gotten. It couldn't be healthy. She was already rather petite.

"You haven't been eating," he pointed out to her when she finally pulled away from him.

"I haven't had the appetite," Sakura replied as she got ready to head to school, gathering her homework from the living room. "Don't you have to go?"

"Yukito has nothing important to do today," Yue said gesturing for her to follow him to the kitchen.

Sakura sighed. "Don't bother Yue. I don't feel up to eating. It just makes me sick."

"You didn't survive this just to come back and starve yourself to death in the aftermath," Yue said bluntly. Sometimes his bluntness was the only thing that got through to her no matter how cold or harsh it may be.

"I wish I hadn't survived it sometimes," Sakura whispered. "Sometimes I wish they had killed me so I didn't have to suffer this. I wouldn't have to feel any of this if I were dead."

Yue looked at her, eyebrows furrowing in concern at her words. "Are you sure you want to go to school?"

Sakura rolled her eyes, giving a tiny smile as she said, "Relax. I'm not going to commit suicide or anything. It's just how I feel sometimes. But you're right. How about something sweet like hotcakes and syrup?"

Sakura went about making her hotcakes and when she was done only managed a few bites before pushing it away, finding it hard to keep down the little she had, which was more than she had eaten in the last few days. She wasn't purposely doing this. She wanted to eat but…

"When will this all be over?" she asked lying her head on the table trying not to cry again.

She didn't expect Yue to answer, and he didn't. How could anyone answer that question?

"I smell hotcakes! I want some!"

Sakura jumped up when she heard Kero's voice and wiped the tears that had leaked out, holding the rest inside.

"Sakura! Did you make me some-Yue? What are you doing here?"

Yue glanced at Sakura, not sure what she wanted him to say.

"Just a visit since Yukito's not busy today," Sakura said. "It's been so long since I've seen Yue."

Kero looked between the two and shrugged. "Don't know why you would want him around but okay." He pointed to her unfinished hotcakes. "You want those?"

Sakura shook her head, pushing the plate toward Kero as stood up and grabbed her book bag.

"I'll see you later."

She left and when the sound of the door opening and closing was heard, Kero looked at Yue and said, "You know, don't you?"

Yue didn't betray any outward expression, simply crossing his arms as he asked, "Know what?"

"Don't play dumb. When you looked at her, it was like you were asking her what you had permission to say and how much of it to say."

"You're reading too much into it."

"Only because you obviously know something Sakura doesn't want anyone else to know," Kero muttered dryly a hint of bitterness in his tone.

"Cerberus-"

"Don't worry about it Yue. I'm not upset. Whatever it is, at least she told someone. That girl has a lot of pride in some ways, more than she's willing to admit and she doesn't like to admit when she needs help. She's just independent and stubborn like that. Whatever it is, just take care of her the best you know how. It's probably best she told you anyway. She probably needs your strange form of comfort mixed with distance and bluntness," Kero replied. "She'll tell everyone else when she's ready."

"You're more observant than I give you credit for," Yue replied.

Kero rolled his eyes. "I always have been."

* * *

><p>A startling realization dawned on her when everyone was getting ready for the holidays and Tomoyo was the one who made her realize it while over the house preparing Sakura's outfit for the Christmas festival fair, but Sakura didn't immediately pick up on the implication.<p>

"Sakura," Tomoyo said coming back from the bathroom.

"Hm?" Sakura asked admiring her outfit in the mirror. Tomoyo had outdone herself once again.

"Do you have any sanitary napkins?"

"Yeah…" Sakura said absently. "They should be in a container under the sink."

"I checked there, but there aren't any," Tomoyo replied.

"Hm… I must have used them all during my last period and forgot to get more," Sakura said.

"Oh well. I have to go home then. But the outfit's done anyway," Tomoyo said gathering her things. "I'll meet you at the park tomorrow."

Sakura nodded, seeing Tomoyo out the door. It was only when she was heading upstairs to change into more casual clothes that the conversation she had with Tomoyo sank in. She had run out of sanitary pads during her last period, but that had been at the beginning of November. December was almost over now. So that meant she should have replenished her supply by now, especially since she had been due for a period…

Sakura almost lost her breath, feeling physically sick at the realization. She hadn't had a period since the beginning of November. That was almost two months ago. How could she not have noticed that until now? That was the one thing she should have been paying attention to.

"No. No. No," she said to herself. "It can't… No!"

She wanted to break down and cry, but it was too early to jump to conclusions. Maybe she was counting wrong. Maybe her period wasn't that late. Maybe she was just stressed or her body was still in shock and she was still adjusting and…

She ran to her room and snatched her calendar off the wall, going back to the end of beginning of November, the seventh, marked with a red marker to signify the start of her period.

"Alright," she muttered. "It lasted five days… Then after that…"

She didn't need the calendar to help her remember the date for this. November nineteenth was a day she'd never forget no matter how hard she tried. That was the day… The day…

"Not now," Sakura said to herself sucking up her tears and moving past it to December and the day her period should have come back around on the fifth, but there was no red marker strike to signify the start of her period. It was the twenty-fourth now. Her period was almost three weeks late. How could she not have noticed that before?

Her mind went back to a date two days before that, the day she confessed what happened to Yue. She had just been so relieved that someone knew, that she had someone to comfort and hold her when she needed it that she hadn't even worried about it. Hell, it had never crossed her mind that something like this could happen. She thought it couldn't get any worse than being just being raped. Her main concern had been trying to make it day by day, not if her period would come in a month's time.

"Maybe it's just stress… Maybe…" Sakura held in a sob that threatened to come forth. It wasn't just stress. Too many things added up now. She hadn't just lost her appetite which was the reason food was making her sick. It had been morning sickness and the reason she had been so tired, even when she managed to get enough rest.

She was pregnant.

Sakura leaned on her bed, letting out a long shaky breath. Suddenly she wasn't in the mood to do anything for the holidays.

* * *

><p>Sakura made it through the holidays and finally made it through to the New Year, but she didn't participate in the festivities like everyone else did. There was nothing for her to celebrate and during the celebrations, she watched everyone, green with envy over the fact that none of them had to deal with being raped. None of them had to deal with being pregnant from it. While they could celebrate carefree, with nothing to worry about besides trivial things, she had bigger things to worry about. Namely how long it would be before she could get some time to herself so she could set up the appointment for an abortion.<p>

It was the only choice she had. She couldn't have a baby, not when she was finally starting to move on, finally starting to slowly but surely readjust to life after being raped. She didn't need this.

Her stomach growled and though Sakura was hungry, starving in fact, she would not give in to her hunger, the hunger for some of that American food she had seen on a commercial earlier, no doubt a craving induced by the child inside her. Besides, it would probably make her sick anyway. It was stupid she knew, but denying herself this craving made her able to somehow deny that something was growing inside her. She was angry at it, that it could be so comfortably settled inside her womb as though she had welcomed the seed of the monsters who caused this.

"Sakura? You okay?"

Sakura snapped out her thoughts at her brother's words.

"Oh. I'm fine. Just fine," she said.

"You look like you have something on your mind? Want to share?" Yukito asked.

Sakura shook her head.

"You sure? You didn't eat much," Toya pointed out.

Sakura hadn't been eating much since she realized she was pregnant a few weeks ago during the holidays. She just ate enough to get by.

"I'm fine," she said standing up to collect the dishes from the dinner she had with Yukito and Toya. "I'll take care of the dishes since you have to go to work Toya."

"I'll help," Yukito said rising to assist her.

Toya looked at her, like he wanted to press the issue but didn't. Instead he stood up and rubbed her head saying, "See you later _kaiju_," and left.

Sakura looked after him as he left, sighing. Him calling her that used to make her angry, but now she'd give anything to just be that little girl again. She couldn't be that anymore.

"Sakura?"

Sakura turned around, plastering on a smile for Yukito as she went to the kitchen to start the dish water to wash dishes. After she took the ones from Yukito to submerge them in hot water, the transformation that signaled Yue's arrival came and the next second, the said moon guardian was standing next to her. Somehow she wasn't surprised.

"What?" she said dryly though she already knew. Somehow he had figured it out.

He didn't disappoint. "You're pregnant."

She sighed. "How did you know?"

"The way you looked at that woman's baby in the store earlier," Yue said.

Sakura scowled, a brief look of contempt flashing across her features as she said, "I don't want it."

Seeing that she was washing dishes, Yue grabbed a dish cloth to help her dry them.

"Of course you don't," he said.

She looked surprised.

"What?" he asked.

"You mean, you're not going to try to talk me into having it since it's not the baby's fault, since it didn't have a choice in choosing how it was conceived?" she asked as tears welled up in her eyes again.

"While all that may be true," Yue said, "there are other things that have to be taken into consideration like the fact that you're fifteen, still in school, the violent way it was conceived. No one can blame you if you wanted to get rid of it."

Sakura stopped washing dishes for a moment, staring at the water as she said, "That used to sound so cruel to me."

Yue didn't ask her what she meant. He already knew.

"I used to wonder how anyone could willing punish a child by killing it simply because it came into existence. I'm not against it completely. That would be Tomoyo. It's all up to the choice of the woman to me, but I couldn't comprehend how a woman could punish an unborn child for something it had nothing to do with. Now I get it. Now I understand why some choose it, because I feel the same way."

She didn't cry. She was acting with some strange apathy to the entire situation, like she hadn't fully accepted it, couldn't fully comprehend that his was happening to her.

"When are you going?"

That was all Yue could ask. He wasn't going to try to talk her out of it. It was the logical solution to this situation.

"I don't know. I haven't called to set up the appointment yet."

It was the answer she gave him for the next three months whenever he might ask about it. It was never a question whether she had gone or not for after a while it was hard to miss the pulsing magical presence that was intertwined with Sakura's when Yue knew it was there. But the real question was why she hadn't gone to get an abortion yet or at least called to set up an appointment. It might be that sometimes it was easy to forget her condition if not for that vibrant presence. She hadn't changed, only regained some of the weight she had lost in the last few months and fell into a pattern of blissfully ignoring the presence of the child inside her, unable to accept the fact that it was growing there.

The more Yue thought about it, the more he realized that was the problem. She was in denial.

"You can't ignore it forever," he said to her.

"I'm not ignoring it," she replied.

It was a few days after her sixteenth birthday and though she hadn't been in the mood to celebrate, she had allowed her friends to throw her a party the weekend following the actual date, putting up a façade of cheerfulness when in actuality she just wanted to show how she was really feeling which was depressed, worried, desperate…

She was in bed now, lying on her side while looking at Yue who was sitting on the floor next to her bed.

"You can sleep up here you know," she said.

"I'm fine."

Sakura looked at him, sighing before closing her eyes, but before she went to sleep Yue spoke up.

"Sakura."

"Hm?" she said with her eyes still closed.

"I saw you today, recoil from the touch of your male schoolmates and even your brother and Yukito to some degree. Why don't you recoil from me?"

Sakura was silent, her breathing steady and even like she had fallen asleep, but her eyes were open again, staring at him.

"I don't know," she replied.

She was lying, and they both knew it, but Yue didn't press the issue only let her fall asleep. He hadn't planned to stay there all night, since he knew he was taking time out what Yukito usually spent with Toya, but he felt a need to stay there for the night So he rested a hand on her forehead, glad to see that she was having one of her rare moments of restful sleep.

"Such a brave girl," he said. Her procrastination of getting an abortion only proved what he had already suspected but she'd never admit, at least not now. While there was certainly a part of her that didn't want this child she was carrying and only wanted to move on like it had never existed, there was another part of her somewhere that was ashamed to admit she didn't want to get rid of it wither, and Sakura wasn't sure how to deal with that part of her. So she denied the existence of it as a result.

Yue sighed. He was surprised she managed to hide the pregnancy thus far. Soon, she'd have to tell everyone, especially since he knew her well enough to know she wouldn't go through with an abortion. She had no choice but to eventually tell everyone.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when Sakura suddenly jumped up out of her sleep, nearly falling out the bed if not for the fact that Yue had been there to stop her from doing so.

"What?"

Sakura didn't answer only sat frozen for a minute, before gasping, hand flying to her stomach. Then, seeing Yue's questioning gaze, she slid down on the floor next to him, grabbing his hand with her own trembling one and placing it on her lower abdomen.

"What is it?" he asked, not sure what he was supposed to be feeling.

"Just wait."

Yue felt it after a few second, something bump against his hand, the child Sakura had been denying for the last few months. He looked at her, watching for a reaction. She was being strangely apathetic.

"Did you feel that?"

Yue only nodded once.

"It's really there," Sakura muttered. "It's moving inside me… I really am pregnant aren't I?"

With that, the apathetic mask that she had worn in regards to her feelings about the entire pregnancy shattered and she let out a choked sob, grabbing onto Yue as she began to cry.

"Yue, why did this have to happen to me?" she asked. "I hate it. I hate it."

Yue wasn't sure if she was talking about the situation in general, in which case he hated it too, or the baby who was now certainly making them aware of its physical presence, in which case he had his own mixed feelings about.

"Sakura. Calm down," he said rubbing her back.

But she wouldn't, the sheer realization that she was pregnant finally settling in her mind, forcing her to accept it, which meant she could no longer ignore that she had a difficult decision to make.

"That's it!"

Yue looked up to see his brother had awakened and was now in front of them in his true guise. Yue had been so preoccupied, he hadn't even noticed Cerberus awaken.

"What's going on? Why is she crying now?"

Yue wasn't sure how to respond to that without giving away the secret that he and Sakura had kept so diligently for five months now. Sakura solved the problem for him.

"I'm pregnant," she blurted out through her tears.

"What?" Cerberus asked and Yue could tell he was about to go through a tirade of questions for them to answer.

Yue stiffly shook his head, signaling his brother not to ask questions right now as he held Sakura, hoping she would eventually calm down. She did, not the way he wanted her too, but she eventually cried herself to sleep. Yue leaned his head against the wall with his eyes closed, sighing in relief that she had finally gone sleep. He was also very aware that Cerberus was watching him, knew what Cerberus wanted to know, but he wasn't about to reveal it without prompting.

"What's going on Yue?"

There were no accusations in Kero's tone, no judgments, no assumptions. He just wanted to know everything, from the beginning. At this point, Yue knew that he at least owed him that, if not anyone else.

"Remember back in November, when you said she came home crying and wouldn't tell anyone what was bothering her?"

Kero nodded.

"She…" Yue trailed off, hardly able to admit it himself. Sure it was easy to think it in his head, but he had never actually said it aloud himself. Sakura hadn't said it aloud again since she admitted it to him. It was understood between them now, so having to say it after all this time was difficult, and Yue had a feeling it wouldn't get easier. "She was raped."

A light bulb appeared to go off in Kero's head as he put the rest of the pieces of the puzzle together, Sakura's earlier admission that she was pregnant and the tears that accompanied the realization making sense now.

"And this is what's been going on the last five months?"

Yue nodded.

"And you've been helping her deal with this by yourself?" Kero asked.

Another nod.

"How are you feeling about all this Yue?"

His question surprised Yue, but he composed himself. "What do you mean how am I feeling? It's Sakura you should be worried about."

"You're stressed out Yue. I can see it in your face and that in itself is saying something. You've been dutifully staying silent about all Sakura's troubles, locking them all away when she needed someone to talk to and lean on. I think now it's time you had someone."

Yue looked down, something that was a cross between a laugh and a sob of his own escaping him as tears he had kept away in effort to give Sakura a stronger pillar of support fell. Cerberus settled next to him and Yue leaned into his fur, something he hadn't done since he was a child.

"She can't bring herself to hate it. That's why she won't save herself the misery of dealing with this and abort the parasite. But I have no problems hating it simply because it came from the bastards who forced this on her. Damn it! Why did this have to happen to her, of all people?"

He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he was aware of was the fact that Cerberus was gone and Sakura was missing from his lap. He stood up, going over to the window. He'd have to leave soon.

As he was getting ready to climb out the window, he felt slender arms wrap around him from behind and Sakura lean her head on his back. That in itself was enough to make Yue stop.

"What?"

"Let me hold you Yue."

Yue was so surprised he didn't fight her when she knelt them both down on the floor. She lifted up on her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning his head on her chest and her on head on top of his.

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"For what?"

"For making you worry so much. I didn't know all this bothered you so much. Thank you for letting me dump all my problems on you."

He sighed. "You heard me and Cerberus talking last night didn't you?"

Sakura laughed a little.

"Don't apologize. You're the one who has to suffer through it."

"But you've been suffering with me every step of the way."

They were silent for a while and then Sakura took a deep breath before speaking again.

"I'm going to tell you something, and I don't want you to respond to it or think you have to act differently because of it, because you've been great and maybe that's why I…"

She trailed off, a blush forming on her cheeks. Yue allowed her to take her time.

She kissed his forehead and let go of him, casting him a serene smile as she looked him in the eyes and said, "I think I may be falling in love with you."

Sakura didn't wait for a reply as she had said she didn't want one, only stood up and left the room. Yue watched her, strangely not bothered by her admission. In fact, he wasn't even surprised by it. But it was nothing to dwell on. The last thing she needed to deal with was a love life and perhaps she knew that which was why she hadn't waited on a response, not that he didn't have one. Sakura just wasn't ready to hear it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> My regular readers will notice how different this is from all my other stories, namely that the story itself as in the plot and situation aren't really dependent in the the CCS series. This could have just as well have been written in Harry Potter, Star Wars, Sailor Moon, etc. with any given coupling or maybe even without a pairing given a few tweaks to the places, language, names, and abilities (magic, the force, sailor planet power, whatever). But I'm comfortable with the characters in this fandom.

Now, I felt the need to bring this up considering a review I got for a story that was controversial simply because of the psychology and justification I used in it in regards to characterization. Yes Sakura may seem a little OOC and so might Yue for that matter, but given the situation I think it's justified. If you don't, that's fine.

Next, I also want to say again, I've never been raped, so I can only imagine the psychological issues and ramifications that come up as a result based on my study of psychology, knowing people who have experienced it, and years of writing. However, I do understand the sensitivity of such a subject which is why I didn't feel the need to let a scene that described the actual happenings make the final cut. I wrote it, but in the end I took it out, even though it wasn't graphic at all. It wasn't needed for the story and since this is already a delicate subject to be writing about, I decided not to push it.

Anywho, don't even ask what made me begin to write this, in this fandom no less. Sakura's character just seemed like a character where it would be easier to show the change in her psyche over a period of time considering the extreme cheerfulness and joy of her personality, someone who hasn't had to face a truly dark situation and in a way, that's why I decided to write this story in this archive.

So, it's different from what I usually do, much more angsty and emotionally driven rather than plot driven. Tell what you think. I'll update whenever I get the chance to edit the other two parts.

Hope you enjoyed. Review Please!


	2. Part II

**AN: **Do you know it takes longer to edit and proofread this than to actually write it. I started editing this early in the morning and didn't finish until that evening. Even in between school and homework it shouldn't have taken that long. Heck, I neglected writing my thousand word paper in frustration with editing this. And I swear Microsoft word somehow adds mistakes and typos after I've proofread a million times. Ugh!

Whatever. In any case, the same warnings in the previous chapter apply, with one more. This chapter has mentions and discussion of **abortion, **at least in the first half; however I'm not trying to start up a debate about it and any views mentioned here do not necessarily reflect my own views on abortion. This is just a story, not a political or moral debate. So no flames or PMing me about this matter.

With that said, based on some research I've been trying to do on abortion laws in Japan, I'm assuming that they allow late term abortions or in other words, abortion after the sixth month of pregnancy. If they don't, then I plead creative license. Okay. All other notes at the end.

Read, enjoy, and review!

* * *

><p><strong>Always in Motion<br>Part II**

Sakura forced herself to go to the doctor two weeks later, just to see what was going on. She had half-hoped that maybe something would be wrong, something that would make this decision a little easier for her. If something was wrong with the baby or for some reason, she couldn't carry it because it was a danger to her, then she'd have no choice but to have an abortion. The choice would be made for her. But she had only half-hope so, mostly because she already knew nothing was wrong. She would have known it. The appointment only confirmed what she already knew.

"You need to gain a little weight, but everything's fine," the nurse who performed the ultrasound said. "Want to know the sex?"

"Not really," Sakura said. To be honest, she didn't care. Boy or girl, this child had infringed on her life when she was trying to put the cause of it behind her. Knowing the sex wouldn't change that. In fact, it would just make it more real than it already was. The last thing she needed was to start crying in front of the nurse and force her to admit what was wrong.

But the nurse knew anyway, guessed in fact.

"How did you know?" Sakura asked.

"I've been doing this for a couple of years, and I know that look. Amazement coupled with disgust. You're not the first girl or woman I've seen with that reaction… Do you know your options? You don't have to-"

"I know. I'm not sure yet."

The nurse nodded and then said, "Do you want some pictures?"

"Would it be cold of me to say no?"

The nurse smiled. "Typical response for a girl in your situation. But I'll give them to you anyway. It might help you decide."

Sakura took them and by the time she got back home had determined to throw them away. She wasn't going to let herself look at them. She needed to make a logical choice, with no emotions involved. Those pictures would just make the choice more personal.

"So?" Kero asked waiting for her at the door.

"Everything's fine," she muttered going into the kitchen and throwing the envelope with the pictures on the table. "But I already knew that."

Kero knew she was referring to the magical signature intertwined in her own, apparent now that he knew to look for it. It pulsed vibrantly. If anything were wrong, it would begin to fade or weaken.

She looked in the refrigerator to get something to eat for lunch and then sighed when her eyes landed on the chicken stir fried rice with eggs and mushroom in it. Sakura hated eggs and mushrooms in her rice, but the combination sounded really good to her for some reason.

"Stupid cravings," she muttered allowing herself to give into it for once. She wouldn't be satisfied until she did.

"_Kaiju!_"

Sakura sighed.

"In here," she said while waiting for the rice to warm up. By the time it was done, Toya and Yukito had entered the room with groceries.

"What are you two doing here?"

"Making sure you're taking care of yourself. You always look like you haven't been eating lately and with dad out of town that means no one is here to cook and force you to eat—besides Kero that is," Toya added putting the groceries on the counter.

"I'm eating now," Sakura pointed out.

"That's not nearly substantial enough to be considered a meal," Yukito said jokingly and then frowned. "Hey Sakura. Don't you hate eggs and mushrooms in your rice?"

Sakura looked down at her bowl and said, "It was the only thing in the house that I didn't have to take time to cook."

"Well if laziness is your excuse, good thing I'm here," Toya said eyes landing on the envelope on the table. "What's this?"

Sakura looked up and then paled when she saw him holding the envelope with the ultrasound pictures.

"It's nothing. Just trash. You can throw it away," she said trying to stay calm.

"Trash? Looks like something's in here. What is it?" Toya asked opening the envelope.

"Toya, it's nothing. Just…" Sakura trailed off as he took out the pictures, hands trembling as the curious look turned into a frown.

"Sakura, what is this?"

"It's… nothing," she muttered.

"Doesn't look like nothing. Where did you get these?"

Sakura pressed her lips together, not sure how to answer.

"Are they yours?"

Sakura slowly nodded. "Yes but…" she trailed off again upon seeing Toya start out the room. "Where are you going?"

"I'm calling dad."

Sakura dropped her bowl and started after him, expression the very image of terror. "Toya no! Wait. Let me explain."

"Uh-oh," Kero said exchanging a glance with Yukito before they both followed the siblings.

"What's there to explain?"

"It's not what you think."

"So you're not pregnant and you just happened to find ultrasound pictures on the side of the road?" he asked sarcastically.

"No," Sakura said as he reached the phone. "I mean it's not the way you think. Toya! Just hear me out."

By then Toya had picked up the phone and was holding it in his hand, glaring at Sakura in silent anger while Sakura had her hands over his and the phone.

"Then start talking. And it better be good," Toya said.

Sakura opened her mouth to tell him, but found she couldn't say the words, couldn't find the strength to say them aloud again. Instead, silent tears began to roll down her cheek. Toya pulled his hand from her now trembling ones and started to dial the number, but another hand covered his.

"It think," Yue began, "that's enough. Calm down."

"Calm down," Toya said as Yue took the phone from him and hung it up before putting an arm around Sakura and allowing her to hide her face in his chest. "She's pregnant. She-"

Yue held up a hand, effectively silencing Toya.

"You're jumping to conclusions. Give her a chance to explain," Yue said.

"Explain what?" Toya demanded.

"Toya, I…"

"Spill it Sakura."

"Stop being harsh."

You may be her guardian, but she's my sister and I'll talk to her how I want," Toya snapped at Yue and then turned to Sakura. "Now talk."

Sakura's lips trembled and she choked out a sob, starting to cry again.

"Sakura," Toya, Yue, and Kero said at the same time.

Sakura suddenly pulled herself out of Yue's grip, ran to the stairs, and then rushed up to her room, door slamming behind her.

"I'll go," Kero said beginning to fly up the stairs behind her. "You know a lot more about this than I do anyway."

That might have been true, but that didn't mean Yue felt like explaining it, especially not to Toya, who was already jumping to conclusions. Yue turned to face him though, aware that the longer he waited, the more he risked Toya reaching for the phone again and actually making that call to his father.

"This better be good," Toya said to Yue when he finally faced him. "She… Wait a minute."

Yue raised an eyebrow.

"I seriously hope you're not about to tell me that you're the father. That the two of you-"

"Do you really think so little of me?" Yue asked and when Toya didn't budge, Yue sighed and added, "Of course not. This would all be a less stressful situation if that were the case though."

Much less stressful, Yue thought to himself. It wasn't the first time this thought had occurred. It would have been much easier if this pregnancy had been the result of a careless accident on Sakura's part.

"What do you mean it would be less stressful?" Toya asked, now seeming to figure out that something deeper was amiss.

"Toya, she was raped."

It was his second time saying it aloud. He couldn't help but count the number of times because he said it so rarely.

"What?" Toya said, his anger returning but for another reason entirely. "Sakura."

Yue resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Toya calm down."

"How do you expect me to calm down when you just told me-"

"Being angry isn't helping the situation."

"Who was it?"

Yue sighed. Sakura's brother was so thickheaded sometimes.

"She doesn't know. She doesn't remember what they looked like."

"What do you mean she doesn't remember what they looked like? Wait? Did you say they?" Yue nodded. "That's it. She has to remember something. Sakura!"

"There's no point," Yue said as Toya walked past him to get to the stairs. "I've been through all this. She doesn't know, and she doesn't care to try to remember. She's terrified right now and going up there demanding she face something she doesn't want to is only going to make this all much worse than it is."

Toya sighed. Yue was right. Yue was always right.

"Then what are we-Hold on. What do you mean you've been through all this? Have you known from the beginning?"

Yue braced him himself for the reaction he knew he was sure to get and then said, "Yes."

Now Toya's anger was effectively directed toward him.

"You knew! You knew this was going on and didn't tell anyone? This isn't the kind of secret you keep from people. I should have known… I should have known…"

Yue waited before he said, "She asked me not to tell anyone."

"And what? You listened to her?"

Yue nodded, though in hindsight, he would admit he probably should have told someone. But if only Toya had seen her the night she confessed to him, how devastated she was, scared of what everyone would say.

He decided not to try to defend himself, letting Toya go upstairs to talk to Sakura. Logically, he probably should have told. Logically, he should be urging her to get an abortion and be done with all this. But he seemed to forget logic when it came to Sakura.

* * *

><p>Now everyone would know what happened. It was inevitable now that Toya knew. He wouldn't keep this secret. He would want her to report it so that the monsters who had done this could be caught. But Sakura didn't care about that. She just wanted this whole mess to be over.<p>

The door opened and in came her brother. She closed her eyes, ready to hear him demand a million things at once from her. However he simply came in and knelt in front of bed in front of her. She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the movement coming from the child inside her.

"Did Yue tell you?" she asked.

Toya nodded, sighing as he ran his hand through her hair.

"Everything's going to be okay."

"I keep telling myself that, but everything's not okay. I don't think it will ever be okay again."

"Don't say that. Of course it will, but first-"

"You're going to tell dad, aren't you?" Sakura asked.

Toya sighed. "I know you don't want to, but we have to, so we can help you. And to start, we have to take care of this… predicament you find yourself in."

Sakura knew what predicament Toya meant, but she would rather him just say it than put it that way. It made her feel more like a victim, not to mention it wasn't as simple as Toya made it seem. Sakura closed her eyes, trying to keep herself from crying again.

"What's wrong? Besides everything else," Toya added.

"I don't know… I don't know if I want to abort it."

Toya didn't react visibly only said evenly, "You can't want to keep it."

"No," Sakura muttered. "But I just… I can always give it up for adoption."

Toya sighed. "We'll talk about it later."

Toya stood up, starting to leave the room until Sakura called him back.

"What?"

"Please don't be mad at Yue."

Toya paused. "How did you-?"

"You were really loud," she said with a small smile before continuing. "Yue didn't do anything wrong. I told him not to tell. You know how that is. I am still his mistress after all."

"But you… all this time you dealt with this alone."

Sakura shook her head. "No. Yue wouldn't let me be alone. He took care of me."

Toya did stew over it for a while, but eventually he did forgive Yue and then apologize for taking out his anger on him. That was only the beginning. Toya saved Sakura the trouble of telling her dad and he did what any good dad would do which was take her to the doctor for a checkup. It was the most nerve wrecking thing Sakura had ever done, going to take all these tests to make sure she didn't have some kind of sexually transmitted disease. It took a while for the results to come back, but she was in the clear.

All the while, her pregnancy was becoming more and more apparent with her abdomen beginning to swell. It also meant she was starting to feel the pressure that came with having to make a decision about the pregnancy. She saw the looks everyone gave her the more her abdomen expanded to accommodate the life growing within her. Sakura knew they meant well, but she hated their looks. She was already ashamed enough as it was, and their looks only made her feel worse about her inability to come to a decision to end the pregnancy or give the resulting child away.

But she still had time for that. However, she didn't have any more time to procrastinate telling Tomoyo about this. She couldn't just keep such a secret from her best friend now that everyone else knew.

So one day while she was at the girl's house, simply to have lunch and spend some time together since Sakura felt bad for ignoring her a little because of her own issues, Sakura worked up the courage to tell her only for Tomoyo to beat her to the punch after Sakura started with saying she had something to tell her.

"I know you were raped, and I know you're pregnant."

Sakura's mouth fell open in shock. How…?

"In November right?" Tomoyo asked quietly holding her tea cup in her hand.

"How did you? How…?"

"Oh Sakura. You looked so awful after it happened. You were trying not to show it but I knew something was wrong. I just didn't know what!"

"Then who told you?"

"It was one of my bodyguards. She used to work for the police. She saw you one day and said she knew that look, that dead zombie look in your eyes. When I asked her what it was, she said it was the look girls who had been sexually assaulted had… I didn't believe her at first but then I noticed your waistline was getting thicker even though you were losing weight and I figured out you were pregnant."

Sakura didn't know why she hadn't seen it before. Of course Tomoyo would notice and figure it out. She made clothes for her all the time. She took her measurements and fitted her on a regular basis.

"I wanted to tell you I knew so badly but my bodyguard said that I should wait until you were ready to talk about it, that you would tell me when you were ready."

"Tomoyo," Sakura said noticing her best friend's tears.

"Wait," Tomoyo said wiping her eyes. "Let me finish. I can tell you don't want the baby and that's okay. And I wasn't going to blame you if you got an abortion no matter how I feel on the matter but you don't know how relieved I was when you would come over and I would notice you were still pregnant. You're so brave Sakura. I don't know if I could be as strong as you are, dealing with this by yourself."

Sakura smiled a little, now wiping away her own tears. "I wasn't by myself, but it doesn't matter. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."

Tomoyo moved to sit next to Sakura and hugged her saying, "It's okay. You weren't ready yet."

They sat like that for a moment before Tomoyo pulled away and asked, "So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. Toya thinks I should still go get an abortion."

"And your dad?"

"Whatever I decide," Sakura said sighing. "I would ask what you think, but I think I already know what you're going to say."

Tomoyo sighed. "I guess so. You know I don't believe in abortion, but if you really feel you must Sakura-"

"Tell me what you really think." Sakura didn't want people to think she was fragile, that they had to tiptoe on eggshells and couldn't speak what they truly felt in effort to be sensitive. She didn't want anyone's pity, least of all her best friend's. It wasn't as if Sakura hadn't had a differing opinion than Tomoyo before.

Tomoyo sighed. "I think it would be selfish of you to be quite honest, to abort it when there are people out there who want children and for some reason can't have any. I think one of those people might like to have your baby Sakura, even if it was conceived out of rape. Besides, think of it this way. You're already this far along. Why abort it now?"

Sakura had already thought about that. At nearly six months into the pregnancy, it seemed pointless to have an abortion. She could have the baby now, and it would likely be able to survive with the help of modern medical technology. Regardless, she was happy that the people who mattered knew everything. She liked knowing they were still there for her even though they all had differing ideas on what she should do. She knew they were all trying to help, but they only succeeded in making her more confused. After four weeks of different opinions, she decided to disregard what everyone else thought and talk to the two people she could trust to give her the most unbiased opinion they could give. Yue and Kero.

"So what do you two think?" she asked on a warm night in late May.

They turned to look at her with questioning gazes and so she said again, "Everyone else is giving me their opinion. So what do you think I should do… with the baby that is."

Yue sighed, giving a vague answer like he always did."You already know how I feel about it. But it's up to you to decide. No one can make the choice for you."

"That helped," Sakura said dryly. "I really don't know if I want to abort it, but I don't know if I could live knowing that somewhere in the world I have a child I know nothing about because I gave it away because I didn't want it. Seems like it would just be easier if it were never born."

It would have been easier if this hadn't happened at all, Sakura thought to herself and then added under her breath, "But what other choice do I have?"

She winced suddenly, putting a hand at the top of her twenty-seven week pregnant stomach, gently prodding a certain spot.

"Do you mind moving your foot off my rib?" Sakura asked her swell as she tried to urge the child inside her to move. It stayed there, this time kicking the very spot.

Sakura sighed. "I guess not."

Sakura stood up going to adjust the ac, muttering something about it being hot. As she went to sit back down, Kero who had been watching her said, "Have you considered keeping it?"

Sakura paused, looking at Kero like he had grown two heads for a moment, before finally asking, "Keeping it?"

"Yeah. Despite everything. I think you could do it. I think you'd make a good mother regardless."

Keeping the baby? Sakura had to be honest, it had never occurred to her to do such a thing. Who would keep a baby from rape? Why would she? She had been so upset when she realized she was pregnant, she had assumed her only options were abortion or adoption. But could she really find it in herself to want this baby, to take care of it despite the fact that it was conceived in rape?

"I… I never thought about it." Sakura muttered mentally adding this to her list of things to think on.

* * *

><p>Yue could tell it was bothering her. The very idea that she had the choice to keep the baby never occurring to her until Kero happened to ask. At this point, thirty-one weeks into her pregnancy, it was obvious Sakura wasn't going to get an abortion and if Kero hadn't mentioned that she had another option, a less favorable option among everyone, it would have been a done deal. All they would have had to do was wait for her to give birth and not only could Sakura move on, but everyone involved.<p>

"The doctor thinks I'm too small to give birth. He wants to give me a cesarean when I'm thirty-six weeks."

Yue didn't know why she thought she should inform him of these things, but he listened to her when she spoke.

"Isn't that a little early?" Yue asked based on what Sakura had informed him before, something about forty weeks.

"Four weeks early, but thirty-six weeks is full term. He says it will be alright."

"When is it?"

"I don't know. I didn't look at the appointment. I don't need to. I'm not going."

Yue raised his eyebrow. Sakura sighed and explained, "I don't want anyone cutting me open for anything if they don't have to. I'll know if anything's wrong and I need to go back before then. I'm not the first teenager to give birth and I won't be the last, not to mention smaller women have managed it before."

"I have to admit, your logic amuses me sometimes," Yue said with a smile as he closed his eyes.

Sakura was silent for a while, in a manner that revealed she had something else to say. Yue waited on her to say it.

"The adoption agency has been setting up appointments for me to meet couples to adopt the baby. She said it shouldn't be hard to find a nice couple willing to adopt a newborn… I wonder how it will feel."

"How what will feel?"

Sakura crossed her arms above her stomach, something she did often nowadays in an effort to resist resting her hands directly on her swollen midsection.

"Tomoyo told me that a baby can hear things outside womb and that it can recognize the voice of the mother and people she's been around a lot during the pregnancy." Sakura paused here. "I wonder how it will feel after it goes to its new home, and it doesn't hear my voice or yours anymore—or anyone's."

Yue caught the way she suddenly added the last part of her sentence, but ignored it and said, "I'm sure it will adjust."

"What about its magic? Will that affect anything?"

"It will probably stay dormant with nothing around to stimulate it."

Sakura hummed a little and shifted to lie on the couch so that she could take a nap. When he was sure she was sleep, Yue sighed. Sakura had gone from denying the existence of her child, to wanting to abort it, to wondering how it was going to feel when it was separated from her. While he himself didn't like the idea, he had a feeling he'd have to adjust his mind to it because it looked like Sakura was seriously considering keeping the baby as an option, not just a passing thought brought on by Cerberus.

* * *

><p>"Oh my God! This hurts!" Sakura moaned as she sat on her knees leaning on her bed.<p>

"I've got the hot towel," Kero said returning to the room with the item.

"Good," Sakura said as he placed it on her lower back. "If I had known it would hurt this much, I would have let them cut me open."

It had been two weeks since she was supposed to go get her cesarean and purposely missed the appointment, but she hadn't been expecting to go into labor so soon. The doctors told her if she waited, she would at least be waiting until she was a few days past her due date. It was the reason she had urged her dad to go ahead on his trip a few days ago, the reason she told Toya not to take off work, and the reason she told Tomoyo to go ahead to school, even though the girl had been willing to miss a few days to stay watch over Sakura. Sakura herself hadn't gone back to school when it started back up again, coming up with some medical reason as an excuse, not that she thought anyone would actually believe it. She wasn't the first girl in school to take some time off from school and come back citing personal or medical issues. Sakura imagined most of her classmates had figured out she was pregnant.

"Does it hurt that bad?"

"Yes," Sakura snapped through gritted teeth as another contraction gripped her. It was starting to get worse, much worse than when it had started. Then again, Sakura wasn't sure when it started, only that she had been feeling odd painless cramps the night before, but hadn't been sure what it was. She brushed it off and went to bed, only to wake up in the morning to more painful cramps, at which point Sakura figure out she was in labor.

When the contraction ended she said, "I never knew something could be so painful..." She trailed off, changing her mind halfway through the statement. No. This was painful, but not as painful as the even that got her here.

Sakura groaned putting her hands on her head trying to stop herself from being pulled into a flashback.

"_No… Please d-" She cut herself off as her pleads turned into screams as he thrust inside her, giving her no time to adjust to the invasion of her body only beginning to thrust his hips back and forth between her legs._

Sakura shook her head forcing herself to block out the memory.

"Sakura, are you back now?" Kero asked.

Sakura blinked and nodded her head.

"Alright. I was worried about you there. You got this glazed look in your eyes and started talking under your breath."

Sakura nodded, recognizing the event. Yue described her flashbacks the same way except they used to be a lot worse and she was always out longer that she actually remembered.

"How long was I like that?"

"Not that long," Kero said. "But long enough. Five minutes or so."

Sakura sighed, pulling herself up on her bed and grabbing her phone off the end of it.

"What are you doing?"

"Calling a taxi. This is almost becoming unbearable. I think it's close," Sakura said about to dial the number. The last thing she wanted to do was give birth in the middle of her bedroom. She stopped halfway through dialing as her stomach tightened up again. "Damn it!"

"A taxi! Sakura you can't-"

Kero's protests fell on deaf ears for two reasons. One that Sakura was too focused on getting through the contraction and the next being that she honestly didn't care.

"That one was long," Sakura said letting out a long breath through her mouth as she continued to dial the number. When she confirmed that it was on the way, she stood up and began to slowly make her way down the stairs, with Kero flying behind her.

"Sakura! You can't just-"

"Relax," she said grabbing the duffle bag that Tomoyo had come over and packed for her. "Just tell everyone where I am. Okay?"

Kero sighed. "You don't have to go by yourself you know. I'm sure everyone would drop what they were doing to be with you."

"It's okay. I'll be fine. They can come later, when they're done with what they're doing."

When Sakura left the house to get in the waiting taxi, she remained perfectly calm, trying not to let it show that she was in labor. It was hard though. The truth was she was scared and in actuality it was taking everything in her not to call someone to be there with her for support, but for what? The birth of this child was nothing to be celebrated, nothing to call everyone and make them drop everything for. If anything, it was a relief. It would be born and in a few more weeks, this would be one less problem for her to worry about. She could go back to her old life and try to put all this behind her.

* * *

><p>The doctors were pleased to see her, especially since it had been over a month since she had been there after she didn't show up to her cesarean appointment. However they weren't happy to see her in labor and so far along into it either.<p>

"You are aware of the risks associated with doing this?" the nurse asked her.

"The same as every other person who's given birth?" Sakura asked.

"You're very small and so young. It might be difficult."

"Hasn't been so far, just…" Sakura trailed off as another contraction came and lasted a while. Then she picked back up her sentence. "…painful."

The nurse smiled. "You came here by yourself?"

Sakura nodded.

"You sure you don't want to call anyone?"

Sakura shook her head that time.

"You've got more guts than women twice your age Miss Kinomoto. I've never met a girl so brave."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "It's not that hard to-"

She stopped talking again as another contraction came.

"They're really close together now," the nurse said frowning. "I think I better check you. It looks like you're about ready."

It turned out she was. According to the nurse, at the rate she was going, she'd have the baby before the doctor was able to get to the hospital. Now Sakura was nervous. While she hadn't wanted to call anyone, she'd hoped she would be in labor long enough that they might come on their own after Kero told everyone where she was.

"Ready?" the doctor asked managing to get there just in time.

Sakura shook her head, muffling a scream as another contraction came. Apparently the doctor was ignoring her answer. Whether she was ready or not, the baby was. It took longer than she expected. On television it was so quick, with dramatic shouts of "push," even when neither the mother nor child was in danger. She pushed for three hours and the doctors calm soothing encouragements were getting on her nerve.

"Would you stop telling me what to do like that?" she snapped in between contractions. "I've figured out now that I'm supposed to push on contractions! You're not soothing me at all!"

The doctor ignored her outburst and continued with his "soothing" encouragements, and after a while Sakura found she was too tired to care anymore. Sakura had no idea this would be so much work and tiresome.

"One more. The head's out."

Sakura shook her head. "I'm tired. And it burns."

"You can find it in you to give me one more push," the doctor said again, the soothing tone again irritating Sakura, but she followed his instruction anyway, if only to get this over with.

Sakura gathered the last of her strength bearing down once more, a few low grunts and eventually screams escaping her as the doctor forced her to hold the push longer than she had before. Then suddenly, the pressure and pain was gone and loud wailing filled the room. It was finally over.

"It's a boy," she heard the doctor say.

Sakura groaned. She couldn't wait for the doctor to leave. His voice was bothering the hell out of her, and she didn't care if it was a boy anyway. She wasn't keeping it, so what did it matter? She closed her eyes, tuning out all the noise around her, even the wails of the child she had just given birth to, intending to fall asleep. Just as she was dozing off though, the voice of one of the nurses saying something to her caught her attention.

"Huh?" Sakura asked sleepily as she opened her eyes.

"Sorry," she said smiling a little. "I know you're probably tired, but I just wanted to know if you wanted to hold the baby before we take him down to the nursery."

That was when Sakura noticed the nurse was holding him in her arms Sakura glanced at it, not exactly sure. The last thing she wanted was to get attached to it. This baby wasn't hers. She didn't want it. Not only that, but she didn't want to want it; however she couldn't deny she was curious. Of course she was. This was the thing that had been kicking her in the ribs and making her have insane cravings for the last few months. Her curiosity won out.

"Yes," she said.

The nurse held him out to her and Sakura reached her arms out to receive him. He was still crying, and Sakura gently rocked him to hush his cries, mentally telling herself that it was just because his cries were annoying, not because she felt a slight pang in her chest knowing that he was in discomfort.

He balled a fist next to his mouth, peeking brown eyes open to look at her, and Sakura wondered if he was as curious about her as she was about him. Then he started doing something with his mouth, making a sucking motion.

"What's he doing?" she asked. "It's like he's sucking something."

"Oh. He's just hungry. I can take him to get fed or you can feed him if you want."

"I can feed him…?" Sakura asked, eyes going down to her swollen breasts. "But I don't think I'm… I don't think I'm keeping him."

"You can still feed him. Want me to show you how?"

Before Sakura could say yes or no, the nurse aided her in helping the newborn latch onto her breast and holding him up.

"Ow!" Sakura cried softly.

"It always hurts at first. But it will go away after a while."

Sakura wasn't sure she would be keeping him that long, but didn't say that to the nurse. Instead she leaned back in her bed, allowing the child to feed from her. It was no big deal. He had been feeding from her for the last nine months anyway.

Seeing that she was comfortable, the nurse left and when she did, Sakura closed her eyes and asked seemingly to no one, "How long have you been there?"

Yue moved the hanging blinds of the window out the way, revealing where he was sitting in the window. Sakura wasn't even going to ask how he got there.

"Not long," he said not looking her, only looking straight ahead of him with his arms rest across one knee and the other leg dangling off the side. "Toya asked Yukito to check on you. Kero told us where you were. You came by yourself?"

Sakura nodded. Yue started to cut his eyes in her direction but stopped only saying, "You should have called someone."

"For what? It's not like I planned on keeping him. There was no reason to call anyone. I was fine by myself."

Yue laid his eyes on the bundle in her arms for the first time. He didn't make any expression, strangely indifferent about the whole thing. So this was the little person that had caused his mistress so much stress.

"Yue."

Yue looked up at her directly for the first time, but Sakura wasn't looking at him. Instead, she was staring at the baby in her arms, looking awestruck, confused, worried, and anxious at the same time.

Aware that she had his attention, Sakura said, "What if I decided to keep him?"

Yue pressed his lips together, not surprised, but not exactly liking where her train of thought was going.

"Keep him?"

Sakura nodded. "Do you think I could do it? Take care of him I mean."

"I think you could, if you wanted," Yue replied finally, keeping his real opinion to himself.

"I don't know if I want to yet. I'm still not certain," Sakura muttered.

Yue didn't mean to make the scoff-like noise that came out of his mouth, but he did, and it immediately caught Sakura's attention.

"You don't think I should keep him, do you?"

"It doesn't matter."

"You don't have to act like you agree with me. You can tell me."

Yue looked back at the boy who had finished feeding and was sleeping peacefully in Sakura's arms.

"I can't fathom why you'd want him," Yue admitted. "After all these months of stress caused by your attackers and the result, you can actually entertain the thought. I thought you wanted to put all this behind you. Now you want a constant reminder."

"I think you're about as afraid as I am."

It was a simple accusation, but Yue's eyes widened just briefly at it, before he schooled his expression into his usual indifference.

"Afraid of what?"

"I think you want to put this behind you as much as I do, because this is a reminder to you of how you were unable to protect me. It wasn't your fault you know. You can't always be around. I understand that. I don't blame you. You've done more than enough."

Yue frowned. "You've been talking to Cerberus, haven't you?"

Sakura smiled a little and then added, "I don't see the monsters who raped me when I look at him. Come see."

Yue, who had been keeping his distance all this time, slowly approached the bed to get a better look at the child she was holding. He still didn't say anything, not that much moved, but one thing was for certain. He wasn't a monster, just a small innocent baby that was completely unaware of the circumstances of its existence.

"I still don't know if I want to keep him, but it makes me feel better to know that at least one good thing came out of this."

"At least?"

Sakura blushed a little, casting Yue a brief glance before looking back down at the bundle in her arms.

"Sakura!"

Sakura sighed as Tomoyo ran into the room. She wasn't really in the mood for all of Tomoyo's excitement.

"Kero told me what was going on. Are you okay? Why didn't you-?"

Tomoyo stopped, eyes landing on the baby on Sakura's arms.

"Is that the baby?" she asked.

Sakura nodded and then asked, "Want to hold him?"

* * *

><p>Besides Tomoyo, no one else wanted to hold the baby Sakura had given birth to. Toya said it was stupid of her to do so. It would only cause her to get attached to him, but Sakura assured him it was okay, that she couldn't be any more detached. Of course, she only said that to pacify her brother. Sakura was actually struggling to keep herself emotionally detached, which was part of the reason she decided she wanted to take the baby home until a suitable adoptive couple was found.<p>

"Haruki," Sakura said after two days in the hospital while waiting to be officially discharged.

"Haruki?" Toya asked from where he was standing next to their dad as they waited with her. "Who's that?"

"The baby," Sakura said as though it were obvious. "He needs a name. We can't just call him baby boy for the next few weeks."

"If you would stop being so picky and choosy, you would have already found a couple to take him," Toya pointed out.

It was true. Sakura probably could have chosen one of the couples she had already met, but there was always something wrong. None of them were perfect.

"Just because I might not want to keep him doesn't mean I'm just going to let anyone take him off my hands," Sakura said softly, staring at the sleeping baby lying between her legs.

Until she did settle on someone, she would keep Haruki at home with her. It turned out to be much harder than Sakura anticipated. He cried a lot and the first week she got little sleep. Sakura toughed it out, even though it was becoming obvious it was getting to be too much for her. One day she broke, and Kero was forced to call Toya and Yukito to the house to because she had gone into hysterics herself.

"He won't stop crying!" Sakura said, tears streaking down her cheeks when Toya and Yukito arrived. "I've done everything. I fed him. I changed him. I tried to put him to sleep, but he won't stop!"

Toya took the wailing child from Sakura and handed him to Yukito to take care of while.

"Come on Sakura," Toya said taking her in his arms. "We'll take care of him. Get some rest."

Sakura started to do just that until she noticed how quiet it was.

"He's not crying anymore," Sakura whispered. "Why isn't he crying?"

"He must have been tired. He fell asleep," Yukito replied with the sleeping child on his shoulder.

They thought it might soothe her, but it didn't. Instead she began to cry again, this time saying, "Why does he cry with me? Am I a bad mother? Is that why he cries? Does he know I'm not a good mother?"

Sakura began to look around frantically.

"Sakura, what are you doing?" Toya asked.

"Looking for my phone."

"Why?" Kero asked baffled.

"So I can tell the adoption agency to come get him and just give him to someone. I don't care who. Haruki doesn't like me. He knows I used to hate him," Sakura said finding her phone, hands trembling as she began to dial the number.

"Sakura," Toya said reaching to grab the phone from her. While he was dead set against her keeping Haruki, he didn't want her to make a rash decision in her hysteria, a decision she may come to later regret.

"Leave me alone!" she said pulling the phone out Toya's reach. "Don't touch me!"

"Sakura," Toya said growling beginning to make his way toward her, ready to wrestle the phone from her if needed.

"Don't do that."

The sound of Yue's voice made Toya pause, so Yue continued, "If you get rough with her she'll associate you with her rapists."

"How would you know?" Toya asked though he knew that to be true enough from the little he knew of psychology.

"Trial and error," Yue muttered. Those first few weeks of helping Sakura through the aftermath of her rape had been like this. He lifted Haruki off his shoulder and handed him to Toya. "Take him downstairs, away from Sakura for a while."

Toya left his sister's room with Haruki sleeping soundly on his shoulder.

"Stupid phone!" Sakura said throwing it down apparently having troubles with it for some reason.

Yue and Kero exchanged a look, the latter nodding his head to Sakura.

"Sakura," Yue said after he had turned back to look at the girl. She was a mess, eyes not only red and puffy from crying, but dark because of a lack of sleep.

She looked up and then threw herself at Yue, almost causing them both to fall over.

"Haruki hates me!"

"No he doesn't."

"Yes he does. He wouldn't stop crying with me and then Yukito took him and… and…"

She started crying again and at loss for how to comfort her, Yue simply held her until she calmed down.

"I'm a terrible mother," Sakura choked out.

"No you're not," Kero said dryly sitting on the desk with his arms crossed. "You're no worse than any other first time mother, especially considering the situation. You just need to calm down. You and Haruki are connected through a magical bond, so he's very sensitive to what you're feeling. He can probably sense how uneasy you are when you're taking care of him and so he cries because he doesn't feel completely secure. It happens with sorceresses as powerful as you are. You'll both adjust."

It made sense, complete sense in fact, but Sakura still wasn't sure. She lifting her head off Yue's should and then pulled away completely, sitting on her bed with her legs tucked under her as she stared at Kero.

"Who told you that?"

"I asked Eriol about it a few days ago when I noticed the times Haruki was quiet was when you finally calmed down some. You've got to be careful what you feel around him Sakura. He can sense it."

Sakura sighed. "Will it always be like this… if I keep him I mean?" she added.

"Settle down some, get some rest. Between me, Yue, Yukito and Toya, we'll take care of Haruki for a few days. Everything will be fine," Kero said patting Sakura up the head.

Sakura managed to smile a little at that and tiredly got under the covers. She was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

As they left the room, Kero said, "It's interesting."

Yue looked at him. "What is?"

"She wouldn't let Toya touch her, but when you come out, she flies right into your arms. It's a little curious, don't you think?"

Yue didn't reply, didn't even acknowledge that Kero had said anything, and Kero didn't push it.

* * *

><p>After she had calmed down some, she resumed taking care of Haruki, every now and then telling the child, "I promise I don't hate you anymore." But there was still something robotic about the way she took care of him, like she was trying not to get too attached to him. By no means did this mean she neglected him. Haruki hardly wanted for anything after a while for Sakura catered to his every whim and whine.<p>

"He needs more stuff," she would say every now and then. So far she had kept to getting only the bare necessities for Haruki, with Tomoyo buying a cute outfit every now and then. But the bare necessities weren't enough. In fact, Sakura was starting to wonder if there was a such thing as bare necessities for a baby. No matter what she got, it was never enough. So she caved to Tomoyo's persistent nagging about shopping for Haruki. Her bodyguards helped to move everything into Toya's old room. No one particularly liked what that implied, particularly her brother, who came in on her arranging her room to make room for Haruki the next day.

"What is all this stuff?" Toya asked when he came in upon the sight, leaving Yukito standing in the hall.

"Some things for Haruki," Sakura said as she carried a basinet to her room. She sat it next to her bed before going to her drawers to arrange the clothes and make room for some of Haruki's stuff.

"Sakura," Toya said following her back out as she looked through the bags in his old room to find the onesies. Upon finding them she gave a small 'ah,' and made her way back out the room only for Toya to block her way and snatch the bag from her.

"What are you doing?"

"Putting his stuff away," Sakura said taking the bag back from him and heading to her room to put them away.

"For what?"

"Well, I've got to put them somewhere."

"That's not what I mean and you know it," Toya said as Sakura began to take the onsies out the bag and put them away. "You're not really thinking about keeping him?"

"He's going to be here at least temporarily. So why not? It makes my life easier. Do you know how tasking it is to have to go back and forth to your room to take care of him?" Sakura asked.

"Sakura," Toya said trying to take the onesie she was folding from her.

Sakura didn't try to take it from him, but she didn't let go either. She stared at him for a while, gaze unfaltering as he glared at her in an attempt to break her down.

Finally he said, "You should have left him at that hospital. You shouldn't have brought him home."

Sakura averted her gaze from him, taking the item out her brother's grip and saying softly, "I'm not saying I want him, but if I did, would that really be so bad? He's no worse than any other baby."

"Sakura. You can't keep him."

"Why not?"

"You know why," Toya said and then sighed, saying, "What are you going to do with all this stuff when he's gone?"

"It's his stuff," Sakura said, still not meeting Toya's eyes. "It can go with him."

With that she went over to her bed and picked Haruki up. She then sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the basinet closer to her before setting Haruki in it. He fussed a little but Sakura only began to rock it.

"It can't be that bad," she said quieting his fussing. After a while he simply stared at her as she rocked him. "See? You like it, don't you?"

Toya turned on his heel and walked out the room to where he had left a baffled Yukito downstairs. Toya groaned as he sat down.

"What?" Yukito asked.

"Someone's got to talk some sense into her. I think she wants to keep him," Toya muttered.

Yue went to go investigate later, finding Sakura sitting on her bed, with her hand slowly rocking the basinet and lulling Haruki to sleep as she worked on catching up on the schoolwork she missed. It looked so natural to her now, like she was meant for motherhood regardless of the fact that she was so young.

Sakura looked up and smiled when she saw him, before glancing over at Haruki.

"He's so quiet," she said. "Almost as if he knows mommy really needs to study."

He knew it then, not because she was looking at Haruki particularly fondly or loving, for she still managed to keep a mask of indifference when taking care of him, quite a contrast to the tender and loving way she took care of him. But it was her use of the word 'mommy.' She had been very careful not to use that word in the last few weeks in direct reference to herself.

"You're keeping him, aren't you?"

Sakura didn't answer him, but she didn't need to. Her decision was already made, just like her decision to birth him had already been made the night she felt him moving inside her.

"You want to hold him Yue?"

"Not really?" Yue said. He never held Haruki. Passed him along maybe, but never actively held him. "He seems content."

Sakura didn't press him and neither did Yue press Sakura to give him a straight answer. She had become very cryptic and restrained about everything since all this had started. She wasn't as bold or forward as she used to be. Yue wasn't sure if she'd ever be that open again.

But since Sakura wouldn't give a straight answer to anyone, everyone simply waited to see what would happen. The adoption agency would call back sooner or later and everyone was hoping it was sooner rather than later for it seemed Sakura got more and more attached to Haruki by the day.

Then one day, a week and a half later, Sakura came into her room where Kero was playing with Haruki who was lying on a blanket on the floor with his eyes wide as Kero zipped about his head. Finally, seeming annoyed with Kero, Haruki tuned up his lips and began to cry.

"No! No! Don't cry. I'm sorry! Sakura really needs to study."

"I told you," Yue said, having come by to make his weekly check up on them. Sakura didn't need him around as often as she first did, which was a good thing, for once a week was about all he could afford without disrupting Yukito's life too much.

"It's okay," Sakura said going to pick Haruki up. "I'm taking a break."

Sakura sat on the bed with a still whining Haruki and held him so that he could look her directly in her face.

"Was Kero annoying you Haruki?" she asked gently and then smiled at how the baby's lips were still tuned up. "Bad Kero."

Both Kero and Yue looked up at her, a little surprised at the tone of her voice. It wasn't said in the indifferent, unsure tone she had been using to talk to Haruki in the last four weeks. But it was gentler, more affectionate. She hadn't been harsh, but she had been holding back in an effort not to get attached to Haruki, not that it had helped.

"The adoption agency called today. They want me to set up an appointment to meet another couple who may want to adopt him. I told them I'd call back," Sakura said to them.

Yue read through her cryptic statement. "You're not going to call back, are you?" he asked.

"A few weeks ago I might have," Sakura said. "But, I don't want to give him away anymore."

With that said, she leaned down and did something she had never done before. She kissed Haruki on the forehead and smiled, causing the little boy to coo in delight.

"That's right Haruki," Sakura said to him. "We're stuck with each other. You're mine now."

* * *

><p>Sakura's decision thrilled no one. But it was futile to try to convince her otherwise. Nothing, not even the possibility of her getting behind in school could change her mind, and she was determined to prove that it would make no difference. With that in mind, she doubled her efforts in school, and picked back up her cheerleading. It was tiring, but she pushed forward. However she was concerning everyone around her, particularly her brother and father.<p>

Toya sighed when he came in the house for a visit one day, finding his sister with her books all over the coffee table while she herself was leaning on sofa asleep, head resting next to where Haruki was sleeping on the couch.

"She fell asleep a while ago," Fujitaka said having come out the kitchen when he heard Toya come in. "She's been working so hard lately. Trying to prove everyone wrong."

"She shouldn't feel that she has to. No one would have thought any less of her if…."

"Well," Fujitaka said, "you know Sakura. It's hard to sway her when she's made up her mind."

"Still… You know she is underage. You could make the decision for her, without her even knowing."

"I thought about it," Fujitaka admitted sighing. "She'd hate me for it though, even if I think it might be best. I don't know."

They were walking out the room now, continuing the conversation in the kitchen, not aware that Sakura hadn't been fully sleep and certainly hadn't been sleep when she heard the nature of Toya and her father's conversation. Her heart stopped at the thought, that one day she could come home and her baby would be gone. But it was ridiculous. Her dad wouldn't do that. He would sooner let her have her way that her hating him. But just the fact that they could contemplate it….

Sakura made her decision then and there, carefully picking Haruki up off the sofa. She didn't have to stay home. She had other places she could go and with the cards, the places she could go certainly weren't limited. She could leave town and even the country if she wanted to. With that in mind, she set her mind to pack her bags and leave.

Kero helped, though he didn't understand why she was getting so worked about it. They only suggested it because they were worried about her. They'd never actually take Haruki from her if she didn't want them to. But that didn't stop Sakura from leaving the house, with the actual thought in mind of leaving town. Maybe she'd catch a bus to the next city over for a while. In the end, she talked herself out of it, not because she didn't want to, but because there was one person that she just couldn't leave behind. Sakura sighed as she made her way to Tomoyo's house instead. She really had to figure out what to do about this growing attraction she had towards her moon guardian…

Tomoyo was surprised to see her so late at night and upon Sakura explaining why she was there, Tomoyo agreed that she wouldn't tell anyone where she was, not that she had to. Sakura was betting that her father and brother would make their way around to Tomoyo's house eventually. It would probably be one of the first places they looked. So Sakura wasn't surprised when they found her the next evening to plead with her to come home.

"No," Sakura said stubbornly as she bounced Haruki in her lap while trying to burp him.

Toya groaned, despite the look Fujitaka gave him that was warning him to be patient with her.

"That's it," Toya said. "I don't know what brought this on, but if you don't stop-"

"You said you'd take him away from," Sakura muttered.

Toya and Fujitaka exchanged a glance before Fujitaka asked, "Where did you get that idea?"

"I heard you talking when you thought I was sleep. You said you'd take him away from me without me knowing."

"We didn't say that," Toya said rolling his eyes.

"But you said you could and that you thought about it," Sakura said clutching Haruki to her chest, tears coming to her eyes at the thought. "I won't let you take him. Haruki's mine."

"Sakura, I'd never do that."

"I don't believe you," Sakura shot back. "You said you thought it might be best."

"It might be," Fujitaka admitted.

"Get out," Sakura said. "I don't want to see you. Go!"

Fujitaka sighed. "What do I have to do to make you come home?"

Sakura didn't miss a beat and said, "Promise you'll let me keep him and that you'll stop trying to convince me that I shouldn't. Either that or I promise I'll leave and never come back to Japan again."

They argued over it for a while, but once Toya and Fujitaka saw that Sakura meant business, they let her have her way. Besides, it was only a matter of time before they warmed up to the little boy. She was back home by the end of the night, and when they were settled, Kero had to ask, "What made you stay?"

"What do you mean?"

"You could have left. You were really set on it at first. I actually thought you were going to do it. It wouldn't have been that hard for you.

Sakura looked up from where she had been making faces at Haruki, who sometimes laughed and other times just stared blankly.

"I wanted to," she admitted. Staying in this place was suffocating. Sakura hadn't told anyone besides close friends about the assault and the resulting baby, but people found out about Haruki at least. It had only been a matter of time. They judged her, stared at her when she decided she wanted to take a walk with the baby, automatically thought the worst or pitied her for her situation.

"Then what stopped you?"

Sakura was staring intently in at Haruki now, but not really looking at him. She had a distant look in her eye.

"I couldn't leave Yue."

It was innocent enough, not really giving anything away. But Kero had known Sakura for a long time. He knew that tone, a tone he hadn't heard from her in a while. He decided to go see Yue about it.

Cerberus didn't beat around the bush when he finally confronted Yue. He said bluntly, "I'm beginning to suspect Sakura may care about you a lot more than she lets on."

When Cerberus said a lot more, he meant a lot more. Sakura was so reserved with her emotions now, so much so that sometimes Cerberus thought she had lost touch with them. But this newfound attraction towards Yue and her protectiveness of Haruki proved otherwise at least.

Yue shrugged, as though he didn't care or it didn't matter.

"You mean you noticed?" Cerberus asked.

"Not really, but I'm certainly not shocked," Yue admitted.

"What do you mean by that?" Cerberus asked. Yue frowned a little glancing at Cerberus and then averting his gaze. "You mean you knew she was attracted to you?"

"She told me."

"What?" Cerberus said in surprise. Why was he always the last one to know these things? "When?"

"Months ago."

"And what did you say?"

"Nothing. She didn't want an answer. She just said it and left."

"And what are you going to do about it? She's not going to suppress it inside her for long," Cerberus asked. "What are you going to do when she wants an answer? Because I swear if you break her heart-"

"It's not hurting anyone. If it makes her feel better, I don't mind," Yue said.

Cerberus rolled his eyes. "Yeah sure, until she-" a thought occurred to him, the reason Yue was taking this so nonchalantly. "Don't tell me this is a mutual thing between you two," Cerberus asked causing Yue to blush a little. Cerberus gasped. "You mean to tell me it is!"

"If it were, and I'm not saying it is, I wouldn't tell her that. She's not even sure herself. I'm just the only male figure she trusts enough to be attracted to. Once she gets over all this, it'll pass."

Cerberus just looked at Yue for a moment, the moon guardian pointedly avoiding making eye contact with his brother, lest Cerberus see that Yue was skeptical of his own assumption himself.

Then Cerberus asked dryly, "We are talking about the same Sakura, right?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> This was one of my favorite chapters, especially because I got to really explore the transition in Sakura's psychology from denying her pregnancy and wanting to have an abortion all the way to wanting to keep it, despite what everyone else is telling her she should do. There were a lot of last minute details I added to this, just like paragraphs that really made stuff clear.

I have to confess, when I wrote this story, the first thing I told myself was that I was not going to make this decision easy for Sakura. And it's no knock against other stories, but something like this isn't always as simple as "It's not the baby's fault. It didn't ask to be conceived." But neither is it always as simple as "I didn't ask for this. I'm getting an abortion." My goal was to pull off something a lot more complex than that. So I enjoyed actually writing this part the most. I didn't want to seem like all of a sudden Sakura just falls in love with this baby and comes to an instant decision. I had to drag it out and account for the fact that other people are pressuring her to do something else.

Anywho, the Part II, the final part, will be up next week I think. So enjoy this while I get high on coffee to write my easy that's got to be done within the eight hours before I have to go to school.

Hope you enjoyed. Review Please!


	3. Part III

**AN: **This was one of those chapters I was happy with when I wrote it, not so happy with when I edited it and undoubtedly will be happy with again after I get some reassurance from reviewers. When that happens, I was undoubtedly uncomfortable with something I wrote which is surprising considering that in the last two chapters I wrote about the aftermath of rape and abortion and didn't blink an eye.

Regardless, this is the final part and there are no warnings in it. It still deals with the aftermath of rape but more so how it eventually effects Sakura as she gets on with life… I think. Shrugs. At least that's what I said when I broke this story into three parts before I posted it. Anyway, all end notes at the end. This is the last part. So…

Read, enjoy, and review!

* * *

><p><strong>Always in Motion<strong>

**Part III**

Sakura was shocked when she saw him, and it showed. She had almost fallen out her desk when the teacher introduced him to the front of the class. It had been a little over four years now since she last saw him, nine months since she had last responded to one of his calls, and six since she had last answered one of his letters. And now she was terrified of what he would say to her when he got the chance, what he would expect of her now that he was back, fulfilling a promise he made all those years ago.

Sakura frowned. She had been so young back then, so innocent when she proclaimed at twelve years old that Li Syaoran was her number one. Now things had changed. She wasn't that innocent twelve-year-old anymore for starters, nor was she a carefree sixteen-year-old, almost seventeen. That all changed when she was raped and certainly so now that she was a mother. How would Li Syaoran see her then, when he found out?

She wasn't going to hide it. It wasn't like everyone hadn't figured it out anyway. Her assault wasn't any of their business, but she couldn't hide Haruki for long. They saw him with her when she was out; when she pushed his stroller to school sponsored events and then handed him over to her brother or dad to watch. She accepted that it was known, and she also accepted the rumors and gossip than still went around about her occasionally. Even if she wanted to hide it, Syaoran would find out about it. And to be honest, she hoped he would be disgusted with her. It would be easier for her to deal with, save her the trouble of having to explain that in light of everything that had happened, she no longer harbored the same feelings for him. And more than anything, she didn't want his pity.

Luckily, there was no empty seat near her, and they didn't share many classes. But just knowing he was back and that she'd have to deal with this made her anxious. She didn't go out of her way to avoid him though. It was only by luck that she didn't run into him, and she said a silent prayer of thanks to whatever force was watching over her. Her luck ran out though. She ran into him on the way to school and to her surprise, when he tried to talk to her, she invited him to the house.

They were silent on the way; Syaoran because he was uncomfortable and Sakura because she wasn't one for making small talk anymore. But the silence was becoming unbearable, especially because she knew what he wanted to say.

Finally she said, "If you care to know, the rumors aren't rumors. It's true. I have a son."

There it was, out in the open. He didn't have to confront her about it. She didn't have to react to him asking her or feel offended by him asking. It was up to him to figure out what to do with that knowledge. Of course, that brought up a great many questions, like who the father of her child was. It was only a matter of time. The question was what she would say to him.

"Something tells me there's more to this story than you're telling," Syaoran finally said after a while of simply walking.

"What makes you say that?"

"You're different from the last time I saw you."

"People change."

"Not like this," Syaoran said to her firmly. "Your eyes are different. They don't shine like they used to, not to mention you abruptly stopped returning my phone calls and letters and even before then, you sounded different. I didn't ask about it but…"

Sakura had forgotten that even though Syaoran didn't know this new version of herself, he was very familiar with the old her. Of course he would notice how much she had changed all of a sudden.

They were at her house now, Sakura refraining from answering his question as she made her way inside, immediately hearing the sound of Kero's video games and his cries at it. Sakura gestured for Syaoran to follow her to her room where Kero had Haruki propped up on his baby pillow so Kero could play his game.

Apparently, Kero had hit a particularly hard level in the game, and unable to get all the way through it, would dramatically whine and hit his head against the controller. It had Haruki on the floor in a fit of giggles at the sight.

Sakura smiled at the scene, going over to lift a still laughing Haruki off the floor. Upon seeing her face, he laughed for an entirely different reason and touched her face like he always did when he was happy to see her.

"Mommy's happy to see you too."

Haruki began to play with the tie of her uniform and Sakura allowed him, turning to face Syaoran who was watching.

"Syaoran, this is Haruki," Sakura said trying to get Haruki to look in Syaoran's direction.

Haruki ignored Syaoran, more interested in his mother's tie.

"Want some tea?" Sakura asked.

"Sure," Syaoran said.

Sakura led him into the kitchen, sitting Haruki in his highchair, adjusting the pillow to prop him up since he couldn't sit up on his own yet, and handing him a toy that was sitting on the table to keep him occupied. As she fixed the tea, she was aware Syaoran was watching her, and aware that both of them knew that she was stalling for time, avoiding answering the question Syaoran hadn't asked. Sakura couldn't lie. That much she knew. Syaoran would see right through the lie. So that meant she had to settle with the truth, as much as she was uncomfortable giving it away.

"I don't know who his father is," she said starting with the most basic thing she could come up with. "I don't really care to know. It wasn't exactly a consensual thing."

She couldn't say that she had been raped. It made her feel even more like a victim in all of this and that was the last thing she wanted.

Syaoran opened and closed his mouth, not sure what to make of what she said. So Sakura saved him the trouble.

"You don't have to say anything. What do you say to that kind of confession?" Sakura asked smiling a little. "It's okay though. I'm still living. That's what's important."

She was trying to gauge his reaction. His mouth was set in a frown, but she couldn't tell if it was from being in thought or if she was angry.

"You could have told me you know," he eventually said.

Sakura winced. That was definitely anger and hurt. She was more prepared to deal with the anger than the hurt part.

"Don't feel bad. I wasn't going to tell anyone else at all until I ended up pregnant and even then I didn't tell anyone until I was almost six months. And… I wasn't sure how you would take it. You wouldn't have understood what I was feeling, how everything I knew had changed, my relationships with everyone. All of it changed."

"I wouldn't have thought any less of you. I would have understood. I still would have-"

Sakura cut him off before he could finish.

"You don't know that. That's what everyone says until their thrown in the situation. I never thought I'd consider having an abortion until I got pregnant with Haruki," Sakura snapped, raising her voice, and then realizing she had lost her temper, she sighed. "See what I mean? I'm different now. I didn't even trust people I knew I could trust, people I lived with and saw every day, let alone someone in another country. I was barely able to keep up the relationships of people with me, let alone a long distance one."

"Sorry," Syaoran said.

Sakura sighed. She had been harsher than she meant to be.

"It wasn't your fault," Sakura said sitting down across from Syaoran and passing him his tea. "You couldn't help that you weren't here. I don't blame you. I don't blame anyone."

"So who was here?"

Sakura looked up from her tea in surprise.

"What?"

"You said you weren't going to tell anyone else before you go pregnant. So who did you tell before then?"

Sakura blinked and then blushed a little.

"A friend," Sakura said looking out the doorway of the kitchen. "He helped me a lot."

"He's lucky to have you?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Lucky to have to deal with temper tantrums and flashbacks. Sure…"

"Don't degrade yourself."

Sakura sighed. "I'm damaged Syaoran. That's not degrading myself. It's a simple truth."

"He's still lucky. You trust him to help you when you're not sure who you can trust anymore. It says something. And you're not damaged. You've changed, but you're still you Sakura," Syaoran assured.

Sakura looked down at her tea, blinking away the tears that had welled up.

"Sometimes I wonder Syaoran."

He stayed a while longer, updating her on what he had done while he was in Hong Kong, not bothering to ask Sakura about the more intimate details of what she had been doing. It was obvious what she had done and been dealing with in the last few years, though Sakura did tell him some of the things that happened before that.

"I'm glad you're back Syaoran. I missed you," Sakura admitted.

"I missed you too Sakura. I wish I could have been here. Maybe…"

Sakura shrugged. Who knew? Maybe she would still be in love with Syaoran if he had been here when it happened or maybe not. Sakura didn't know.

"See you later," she said as he left out the front door.

Sakura closed the door behind her and then looked down the hall, a wisp of silver hair visible from around the corner of the living room.

"You were listening, weren't you?" Sakura asked, not at all angry.

"I was waiting on him to leave."

"And what did you overhear?"

Yue came to stand so that he was fully visible. "About everything."

"Wasn't anything you didn't already know," Sakura said shrugging as she headed back into the kitchen.

"Sakura."

She paused on her way, tilting her head in curiosity as she looked at him.

"I don't think you're damaged," he said quietly

He didn't say anything else, just went back into the living room.

* * *

><p>Yue felt something tugging on his leg, not hard, but gently as though leaning against him. He opened his eyes to find Haruki had pulled himself up next to him, a curious expression on the his face as he went about inspecting Yue's pant leg.<p>

Yue had to admit Haruki had grown on him, probably because he reminded Yue of Sakura. Even at such a young age, he had his mother's heart and kindness. It was difficult to hold anything against the child, though heavens knew he tried to. Even still there was only so long he could tolerate Haruki before getting annoyed. Children, particularly babies, just weren't his cup of tea. But Haruki was alright for now. Right then, he needed to figure out what was going on…

"Oh good," came Sakura's voice from… somewhere. "You're awake."

She had been outside in the hall and come into the room, coming around to the other side of the bed to get Haruki.

"Now why are you in here bothering Yue?" Sakura asked Haruki who only leaned out her arms trying to get onto the bed. "Haruki. Haruki no!"

Haruki only leaned further causing Sakura to drop him on the bed. When Sakura went to grab him, he only crawled out of his mother's reach and buried his face in the strands of Yue's hair, giggling at the exasperated sigh that came from Sakura.

"Whatever," Sakura said allowing Haruki to stay there. She then looked at Yue who was trying to gently tug his hair out of Haruki's grip. Not that he really minded much, but Haruki was tugging at his scalp and while normally that wouldn't have bothered him, Yue was becoming increasingly aware of a headache he hadn't noticed before.

"What happened?"

"You don't remember?" Sakura said and then laid her hand on the left side of his head, right above his ear. "Guess that fall was rougher than we thought."

"What fall?"

"Something attacked me and Haruki, remember? At the cherry blossom festival," Sakura added removing her hand as she sat down.

That seemed to be the trigger that helped Yue remember everything. Though he had been aware of everything going on through Yukito's subconscious, he had mostly been dozing off during the festivities, since it wasn't like he was needed, at least not until he heard Sakura cry out in what must have been momentary terror and surprise and with good reason. It had been a while since she had been attacked like this, actually needed to use her magic out in public. Sure she was used to the occasional attack in the middle of the night or sensing something amiss but it hadn't been like this in a while.

Unfortunately, it was hard to hold Haruki and fend off the offending magical being. So Sakura had passed Haruki off to him to protect while she took care of the threat. After that, Yue's memory was blurry at best and when he told Sakura where it stopped, she filled him in on the rest.

"Turns out it was after Haruki," Sakura said quietly. "It was after his magic."

Yue waited for her to finish explaining since they had already figured out and decided that though Haruki would have above average magic (they hadn't figured out what kind), he was nowhere near as powerful as his mother which meant they shouldn't have to worry about anyone being interested in the child's magic.

Sakura, seeming to read his mind like she had a knack for doing lately said, "Just because he won't be anywhere near as powerful as I am doesn't mean he won't be powerful enough. I talked to Eriol. He said it's rare for the magic of a baby like Haruki to be so unguarded so I might have to ward off the first few attacks before everyone else figures out to back off… that or I figure out how to guard Haruki's magic. This kind of stuff makes me regret not studying magic more…"

Sakura dismissed the thought, noting it to herself for later use and saying, "But before I figured that out, the creature, whatever it was, disappeared and found you and Haruki. I got there after you fell, but managed to destroy the creature. You'll probably have headaches for a while but I think you're okay. I don't think Haruki's affected at all as you can see."

Yue looked in Haruki's direction to see he had fallen asleep with his hands tangled in his hair.

Sakura smiled a little and then said, "He was looking for your wings earlier and even cried when he couldn't find them. You'll have to show them to him later."

Yue turned his eyes back on Sakura and frowned at the look in her eyes. It was something similar to that lost and anxious look she used to have in the weeks following her rape, but to a lesser degree.

"What's wrong?"

Sakura only smiled a little and said, "Nothing. I'm fine."

They exchanged a look, and though Sakura admitted through the glance that she was lying, she didn't change her answer, only sat on the edge of the bed and stared out the window.

Then she said, "You know I was really scared when I found you and Haruki tonight."

She could have stopped right there as far as Yue was concerned. She had made the statement vague enough to get away with, yet said it in a way that he still knew what she was getting at. Sakura continued anyway.

"I knew Haruki was alright. But you..." Sakura trailed off as she turned to look at him with a smile, in what would have been a shy notion if it weren't for the lack of a blush on her face. She then put her hand on side of his head again, right where he had hit it, sure to "accidently" brush her thumb over his cheek. "… I was worried I might have lost you."

On any normal occasion, Yue might have replied that it wouldn't be that easy to get rid of him or something equally blunt and sarcastic, but he didn't want to ruin the intimacy of this moment.

He wasn't sure how long they had been silent until Sakura said, "Is that better?"

Yue didn't know what she was talking about at first, but upon the removal of her hand, he realized his headache was gone. Where, when, had she learned that?

She didn't answer the unasked question. She only stood up, went to the other side of the bed and picked up the eight month old Haruki, resting him on her shoulder.

"You can stay here for the night Yue."

"I'm fine. I can-"

"No!" Sakura said a little too quickly and then blushed averting her gaze from him. "I mean you should rest, make sure you're well so Yukito won't be uncomfortable."

They both knew she was lying. The truth was that Sakura wanted Yue to stay and was too shy to ask him to, no not shy. She was too afraid rather. It seemed that though she was willing to admit an attraction was there, she was too afraid to act on it, no doubt because of the fact that her only experience with a man (if they could be called that) had be a violent one.

"If that's what you wish," Yue said submissively.

Sakura scowled. "Don't start with that. You haven't called me mistress in almost two years. Don't go back to trying to treat me like you do."

* * *

><p>Sakura had been the picture of calm, like a silent storm brewing since her rape. Certain things that she would have gotten worked up about before then didn't faze her now. However she had triggers, and they were the strangest things. Usually it was hard to predict them.<p>

But Toya had known this news would probably trigger a mini tantrum all along. He wasn't disappointed. As soon as the news fell from his lips, Sakura's pleasant, and strangely seemingly bored exterior shifted. Her lips thinned, eyebrows furrowed, and hands clenched.

"How long?" she asked first. There was no need to throw a tantrum over something that wasn't permanent.

"What do you mean?"

"How long will you and Yukito be in the U.S.?"

Toya shrugged. "A year or so… maybe a little longer."

Sakura was strangely apathetic at first, not reacting at all as she stared at Toya for a moment. Then she set her jaw and said, "No."

"No?"

"You can't go," Sakura said and then stood up beginning to leave the room.

"Sakura this is serious. We're going whether you like it or not and-"

That was the trigger. Sakura turned on her heal, stomped back to Toya and shouted, "No! You're not going! You can't go!"

"Why not?" Toya shouted. While he had been prepared for the mini tantrum, or even Sakura maybe bursting into tears, he hadn't been prepared for this outburst.

"Because you can't. You selfish, insensitive bastard! How could you?" Sakura shouted, face turning red in anger.

"Sakura!"

"You're not going! You can't go! Why does it have to be outside of Japan? Why can't it-NO!" Sakura screamed and then in her rage charged for her brother, attacked him really.

Toya held her back, not quite sure what to do with her. He hadn't expected her to act so violent. What would cause this sort of reaction? It was almost like she was having a panic attack and in a way, Toya was sure she probably was.

"No! No! No!"

"Sakura!"

"You're trying to-"

"Trying to what?"

"You're trying to-"

Seeing that she was trying to talk it out, Toya stopped trying to talk to her and let her go through with her tantrum and see where they ended up, hopefully with him not dead. Sakura was small, but even he was having a hard time restraining her.

"You're trying to take Yue away from me!"

Admitting that seemed to calm her down, at least out of rage, for she fell to her knees and began to sob on the floor.

Toya had to admit, he was shocked. How could he not have realized this before? What kind of brother was he that…? Then again, he hadn't been able to figure out that Sakura had been raped. He didn't know anything about it until five months after the fact, when she accidentally revealed her pregnancy. Maybe it wasn't his fault he hadn't noticed. It was hard to tell anything about Sakura nowadays. She was so good at closing herself off behind a façade. But in hindsight, it made sense.

"Sakura," Toya began trying to go to her.

"Don't touch me! Leave me alone," Sakura snapped.

"Sakura. Be reasonable."

"No you be reasonable. How would you like it if I took Yukito from you? I could do it you know. It wouldn't be hard."

"Sakura! Stop talking nonsense."

"It's not nonsense. And I'll stop if you will."

"Sakura, if you would just listen!"

"I won't!" Sakura said and with that lunged for her brother one more time.

It took Cerberus to get Sakura off her brother and later it took Tomoyo to talk her into calming down. Yue didn't get there until much later, after Yukito was done with his business for the day and even then Yue didn't feel the need to appear in the open. He'd only rile Sakura up again. In fact he didn't appear at all until Toya asked him to much later.

"I'm surprised you didn't appear earlier when you heard about Sakura's tantrum," Toya said.

"In light of what it was about, I thought it best that I didn't since she was already calm," was Yue's response.

"I suppose so. Though I have to say, I wasn't expecting that kind of reaction from her."

Yue didn't respond, only waited for Toya to continue.

"I didn't know she felt that strongly for you," Toya continued. "Sakura I mean… Did you know?"

Yue only nodded in response.

"I…" Toya sighed. "I'm not trying to separate her from you. The opportunity just came up and-"

"I know. I was there," Yue said, his tone curt and unsympathetic as he spoke.

"Then maybe you could talk some sense into Sakura for me."

Yue was silent, for a long time in fact. It was the silence that told Toya he was trying very carefully to formulate his words so they weren't so cutting or harsh, but had the same effect.

Finally he said, "You know I've never interfered very drastically in Yukito's life. I've always tried to make my existence as convenient for him, even though I have to right to appear whenever I want. But at the end of the day, Sakura is my mistress and if she doesn't want me to leave then I can't and neither can Yukito."

Toya was a little taken aback. Usually Yue was the reasonable one, but here he was in essence siding with Sakura. He hadn't said he would even talk to her, just that if she didn't want him to go, he wouldn't.

"So I'm going to take a wild guess here and say that this feeling is mutual?"

Yue shrugged. "It might be."

Yue didn't say anything more after that, deciding to go upstairs and check on a sleeping Sakura, but Toya was beginning to see that they were about to have an entirely different problem.

* * *

><p>They needed to come to a solution and they needed to do it in a hurry. Thankfully Toya and Yukito didn't have to leave for a few months, but between then and now, they had to figure out something. No one really thought Sakura would carry out with her threat to Toya, her threat to take Yukito away from him, but no one could be sure. While she wasn't psychotic, she was prone to violent mood swings given the right trigger provoked her and while none of them had resulted in anything except violent temper tantrums or a chilling coldness to whatever or whoever had provoked the change, they weren't sure just how much they could depend on the predictability of them.<p>

Thankfully, once she came out her tantrum and calmed down, her first action was a phone call to Eriol. If anyone could help, he could. In fact, Eriol was one of the first people who knew about her pregnancy and her rape. It was right on her birthday actually. She hadn't said anything, but he just kind of noticed in the way Eriol noticed things. He then took her in private and pulled her into a hug, undaunted by the way she flinched when he grabbed her.

"_Everything will be fine," he assured her. "We're all here for you."_

When she got him on the phone there was a long pause after she explained her predicament.

"_What do you want me to say to this?" Eriol asked her._

"There has to be something Eriol, where everyone can be happy."

Eriol paused again for a long time before saying_, "There is a way. But it would be dangerous for both Yue and Yukito."_

"What's that?"

"_You can separate them, but there are a lot of factors to consider."_

"Like what? Give one of them another body?"

"_Actually, you would be giving Yukito the new body. But what you really need to consider is how intertwined Yue and Yukito's souls are, if they're separate at all. Remember, Yukito was just meant to be a disguise for Yue, a disguise he could do away with if he wanted. But separating them… that could have disastrous results. This would be a long term thing to consider in the future Sakura."_

"I don't have that long," Sakura said. "I've got four months."

"_Do you know how much preparation it takes even a more skilled sorcerer to produce a guardian to begin with? If they can do it at all. There's a reason most sorcerers have animal familiars. Not many have guardians and to be honest, it would be less risky to create a new guardian than what you're thinking."_

Sakura didn't say anything for a moment, but finally she said, "Good thing you're half the reincarnation of Clow Reed then. Got any memories on how he created Yue and Cerberus to begin with?"

Eriol did, but they were blurry at best. But that was fine for Sakura. All they needed was a starting point.

They found one, neither surprised that this endeavor brought them dangerously close to the edge of dark magic, not that Sakura too much cared. The fervor with which she pursued such a pursuit suggested she'd dab in just about anything. It was a tricky business, the business of splitting souls, but Sakura wasn't deterred, not even when Eriol came to Japan for the summer just to oversee her and warn her face to face of the dangers.

"Not even Clow was bold enough to play with this kind of magic."

"Then maybe it's time to prove just how powerful a sorceress I am," was Sakura's reply as she dismissed him.

Eriol started to say something else, but Kero stopped him from doing so, for reasons he discussed with Yue later.

"It's been a long time since she did something so bold with her magic. It's like she's rediscovering it," Yue said to Cerberus when they did get a chance to talk.

It was true that Sakura rarely used magic besides for emergencies. She seemed to have lost all curiosity in it after she was raped, the attack being a severe blow to her confidence in her own abilities. And she hadn't bothered trying to restore that confidence at all either, perhaps because she had been more concerned about what she was going to do with Haruki and after that proving she could take care of him and move forward with her life at the same time.

"That's true. Maybe she just needed the right motivation," Cerberus said knowingly and when Yue didn't answer added, "You two should stop this whole mess and just make it official. Really? Which one of you is actually going anywhere else?"

The answer was so obvious that the question didn't need to be asked. The real question was which one was going to do something about it first.

"There will be no need to wonder if Sakura doesn't figure this out," Yue replied.

"She won't let you go."

"The old Sakura's still in there," Yue said. "Part of it anyway, the part that would sacrifice her own wellbeing for someone else."

"Only if she needs to," Cerberus said. "Because it looks like another part of the old Sakura has resurfaced again too; the fighter."

* * *

><p>Sakura didn't know what to do now. She never thought she would get the chance to know this feeling, not after she had been raped. She thought she would be forever turned off from sex, preventing her from ever having a proper loving relationship with anyone whether she loved them or not.<p>

She supposed she had been wrong.

It had all started when Yue moved into the house, after she managed to separate him from Yukito, leaving her brother and his partner free to go to the U.S. and stay as long as they felt like for all Sakura cared. Fujitaka actually liked the idea of Yue being in the house to watch her now that Toya couldn't occasionally drop by to check on her when he was out of town and it would ensure that Sakura didn't lose focus in her last year of high school with Yue around to help.

If only Fujitaka had known how much more of a distraction to her Yue would eventually be. She felt like any girl who had the person she cared about the most around all the time. She was happier, felt a little more secure than she normally felt, and best yet she could be with him whenever she felt like it, didn't have to cope by herself and feel lonely because her demands for him might interfere with someone else's life. But then it began to change. She was still content with just his perpetual presence, but lately she felt like something was missing, felt like she wanted more, in the physical department that was.

First it was just curiosity. Occasionally she would observe the details of his physique and she allowed herself this one guilty pleasure. Then she began to wonder about the more intimate details, how he looked without all those robes and armor and found herself delighting in the rare time he allowed himself to be in his disguised form, his human persona. It gave her more to observe while increasing her wonder at the same time. Then she wondered what it would be like to touch him. No. Not just touch, but feel the warmth of his skin against her… That was when she started to feel the heat in her lower regions, the tingling of carnal desire in her body.

It scared the hell out of her when she realized what she was feeling. This was just wrong, wasn't it? She wasn't supposed to feel like this. How could her body betray her by feeling like this when as far as she was concerned, sex was something she could live without if it was anything like what she had experienced before? She winced as the thought triggered a flashback, a flashback of attacker grabbing her by the hips and forcing her to meet his thrust as she screamed for him to stop.

She shook it out of her mind, now determined more than ever to get rid of this feeling. So she did the only thing she could do; actively tried to avoid her moon guardian and keep herself busy, considering the feelings only surfaced when he was in her physical presence or she dwelled on him in her thoughts for too long.

He noticed. It was obvious. Sakura had gone from wanting him around to now doing her best to get away from him.

"You're avoiding me. Why?"

Typical Yue, Sakura thought when he finally cornered her while she was working to get Haruki to fall asleep. She had never known him to beat around the bush.

Sakura blushed under his intense gaze, which only served to add to light the fire that she had been trying to put out inside her body.

"It's… It's nothing," she said avoiding his gaze.

Yue looked at her for a moment, the look that told Sakura he was sizing her up, putting the pieces together to figure out what was wrong.

"What have I done to make you afraid?"

Sakura was surprised and quickly said, "Nothing! Why would I be afraid of you? I trust you more than anyone. I'm never afraid of you."

"You act like it lately."

"It's not you," Sakura said quietly.

The way he raised his eyebrow at her was question enough. Sakura opened her mouth and then closed it, unsure of how to answer him. If it were any other person they would lose patience and leave her alone. But knowing Yue, he would wait on her to answer him, as long as he had to. It wasn't like either of them had anywhere else to go. She gave in.

"I wasn't sure before, when I first told you, but now I know I love you," she began in a whisper before adding, "and that's the problem. I want you, and I've never felt like this for anyone. After I was raped, I thought it wouldn't be possible."

Sakura sighed. That hadn't quite come out like she wanted.

He was sitting across from her now, staring intently at her. Then he said, "I never gave you my answer to your confession."

Sakura nodded slowly. "I know. I didn't want one."

"What about now?"

Sakura didn't respond immediately, only stopped rocking Haruki who was now asleep on her shoulder. Then she said, "I'm not exactly sure and not because I'm afraid you might reject me. I already know you wouldn't. I already know how you feel. I don't think you'd put up with me otherwise."

And there it was. What she feared the most was that her moon guardian would not only accept how she felt, but return the feelings and then what? Sakura wasn't sure, but things couldn't just stay the way they were, could they? Relationships grew and evolved and became intimate in ways Sakura didn't know if she was ready to handle. Not that it stopped her from wanting it or pondering it.

She left at that. She wasn't comfortable outright saying it any other way, and so went to go put Haruki down for his nap.

Yue watched her leave, eyebrows furrowed. He could sympathize with what she was wrestling with now. Sure he had noticed the strange way she looked at him lately, but never would he have imagined all this was going through her head. It only further served to bring to mind his own dilemma. All the cards were out on the table, had always been, but they had never had to face it until recently when he moved into the house. He knew her feelings, but he refrained from pressuring her, refrained from even letting her suspect that her feelings might be mutual, though it seemed she had figured that out anyway. He wasn't going to inadvertently hurt her or send her into one of her panic attacks by revealing something she wasn't quite ready to handle. She'd come to terms with it eventually.

It seemed she had, only instead of accepting it, she was terrified by it and who could blame her. Her new reserved personality didn't want to deal with a feeling that would leave her open and vulnerable. So she decided not to deal with it, not challenge it, take a risk and see what happened. She would have done it before, Yue mused. In fact their roles might have been a little reversed. He would have been the one to walk away and ignore it while she was sitting here trying to decide the best course of action that wouldn't put him off.

Funny how things changed… What would she have done? Yue thought to himself and the answer immediately came. She would have followed him, consequences be damned, and forced him to face her, forced him to overcome his fears and take a chance. It was part of that boldness that she had lost or rather was buried under her attempts to protect herself from harm.

She'd never come around, not without prying and so, Yue decided to do something that was completely uncharacteristic of him, but the only way he was going to make any progress. He headed upstairs, peeking into Haruki's room to find him in his crib with Kero curled next to him. Yue held in a chuckle at the sight as went past the room to Sakura's, finding the said girl looking out the window.

He shouldn't sneak up on her, but if she suspected anything, she'd find some way to avoid it. So he decided not to give her a clue that he was there until he was right upon her.

Sakura jumped, nearly screaming in fright when she felt arms snake around her, instinctively struggling against the hold before she realized who was behind her.

"Yue," she said in relief, though her heart was still pounding.

"You can relax. You know I won't hurt you."

If anyone had been watching, they would have thought it was in response to him scaring her, but Sakura knew this was a continuation of the conversation they had downstairs.

"I know. You just… You know it scares me. You know why," Sakura muttered.

"I don't want you to be afraid," Yue said. "You've been afraid for too long."

"Can you blame me?" she asked dryly.

"No. But you can trust me. Let me help you confront your fears."

Sakura began to tremble some. Confront her fears? If she trusted anyone to help her confront them it was Yue, but was she really ready to do so. It had nothing to do with her age. She'd be eighteen in a few months. But could she really put aside her past violent experience long enough to face her fears and prove that they were pointless, that it didn't have to be violent, that she didn't have to feel forced.

"I…"

Sakura trailed off when he kissed her neck causing her to shiver at the sensation and her hear to pound faster, both out of nervousness and anticipation. She couldn't honestly say she hadn't wanted this. This would be one of the differences. It wouldn't be forced.

As though reading her mind, Yue said, "You can tell me no."

Sakura knew that, but that didn't mean someone would listen. She had told her rapists that over and over again as they raped her in the backseat of a car before leaving her on the side of the road where they had taken her from. They hadn't listened. But if she said so to Yue, she knew he would let go, leave her be and wait for her to be ready. She didn't want him to let her go though. The heat that she had become so acquainted with returned. But this time she didn't let her fear of it stop her. She gathered her nerves and turned to him. Then she pressed her lips against his. This was what she wanted, and though she was afraid, she wouldn't let it stop her.

* * *

><p>Sakura thought the experience might send her back into a flashback, that she'd be constantly afraid that she'd feel the same disgust and displeasure. But there was no way to ever compare her experience with Yue to the one her rapists had forced on her.<p>

He had been so gentle with her, understanding and accepting her fears, not frustrated by her timidity and shyness, but that all slowly went away as she finally realized this was completely different than her first experience. For starters, she was enjoying the touches, how they made her entire body tingle, like the smallest jolts of electricity were running through her. Once she began to experience that, all her fear went away and she was left with undisguised want and desire for her moon guardian.

Sakura would admit, she was nervous at first, but wow… it felt like nothing she had every experienced before then.

Sakura was giddy at the thought, so much so that she was unable to hold back the giggle that escaped her.

"I haven't heard you laugh in years," Yue pointed out.

Sakura hummed at the observation. That was true. She couldn't remember the last time she laughed unless it was in some type of cynical way. Her last true laugh was probably that very day at school, right before she was attacked. It felt nice to laugh again.

That particular change didn't go unnoticed by anyone, that and the fact that over the next few months, Sakura became more of a social butterfly again, though she refrained from telling anyone why that was. No one asked, so neither felt the need to inform anyone except for Kero who caught on without much effort.

She graduated school, but didn't go to the university much to her father and brother's dismay. She may be becoming more sociable, but that just wasn't something she thought she could handle at the moment. But what she did do surprised everyone and thrilled Tomoyo, who had offhandedly mentioned to Sakura about the project she was working on to present to the board of her mother's toy company to expand it to include clothing. The problem was she lacked a model. Sakura got the hint and after mulling it over for a while, she decided to go for it.

It was uncomfortable at first. Not only was everyone watching her, but people had to touch her, to help her get dressed and made up.

"It's odd," Sakura said to Yue when she managed to drag him out the house to take Haruki to the playground. "I know it's not the same, but it's hard to differentiate. I can't stand it."

"Then why are you doing it, if you're so uncomfortable," he asked helping her lightly push Haruki on the swing.

"You can call it battling an inner demon. I going to do whatever I want and a little discomfort won't stop me," Sakura determined

* * *

><p>It was supposed to just be a routine checkup, the stress of modeling and not getting the chance to eat getting to her, resulting in headaches and nausea that she thought was the result of dehydration.<p>

"Okay. So we've figured out what your problem is Miss Kinomoto," the doctor said.

"Exhaustion," Sakura assumed.

He laughed. "That's just a side-affect. We found the real reason as a result of your blood test. You're pregnant. "

Sakura blinked in surprised. "Pregnant?"

"Five weeks."

Sakura couldn't believe she had missed the signs again. She would think after being pregnant once and completely oblivious to the fact for eight weeks the first time (though given the circumstances, who could blame her), she'd know the signs by now.

"I'm guessing this wasn't planned," the doctor added at her silence.

Sakura shook her head and said, "No."

"Well are you-."

After being raped and having to make the difficult decision to keep her baby or not once, Sakura knew where the doctor was taking this conversation. She had heard nurses, doctors and counselors give her the same speech for the duration of most of her first pregnancy.

"No. It's not like that," she said and then blushed, a small smile coming to her lips. "I was just surprised is all. But I want this baby."

It was different than the last time she was pregnant. She had denied that she was pregnant at first and then wrestled with keeping Haruki or not. In the end she kept him and she didn't regret it, nor would she love Haruki any less than this baby because of the different circumstances of their birth. But it felt nice to want a child from the beginning, to not be stressed about how she would face it every day knowing that she hadn't been a willing party in the event that brought it into existence to begin with. Of course, she hadn't felt that way in the end, but to not have to worry about that in the beginning was a relief. To want the baby inside her right from the beginning was incredible to her. Other people might not understand the big deal, but it was a big deal to her.

Sakura laughed, eager to make her way home and announce it, after she stopped to get something to eat on the insistence of the doctor.

Haruki met her at the door. Sakura swung him up into her arms and put him on her hip, kissing him on the cheek.

"_Kaa-san_," he said laughing.

"How was your day? Where's Yue?"

Haruki laughed, jumping out her arms and leading her to the living room where Yue was lying on the couch, sleep apparently. Sakura sighed at the sight. She didn't understand why Yue liked to sleep so much. It wasn't like he particularly needed it.

Haruki giggled as he traced his fingers up Yue's face. Yue sighed, slowly opening his eyes.

"Haruki," he muttered dryly causing Haruki to laugh even more at him.

Sakura wondered how it was that Yue could be asleep yet perfectly aware of everything around him. In a way, she couldn't even call it sleep.

"You're in my spot," Sakura said her own fatigue returning.

Yue started to move but Sakura only pushed him over and managed to squeeze next to him, Haruki run over to join them. Yue grumbled at the discomfort, but Sakura only laughed. She hadn't been happy like this in a while. Everything was suddenly looking up for her, almost like she had woken up from a long nightmare. It was surreal.

"You're in a good mood," Yue pointed out throwing his arm over his eyes.

"That's because I have good news," Sakura said.

Yue didn't ask what it was, only nodded, causing Sakura to turn to look at him.

"You're not going to ask what it is?"

"You're going to tell me anyway."

"But you're not at all curious."

"Call it mild intrigue," Yue said.

Sakura pouted. "So mean…"

"So what is it?"

"Now you ask."

"Because you wouldn't tell me."

"Well now that you want to know I'm not."

Yue sighed, rolling his eyes and shrugging, knowing if it was anything worth telling, Sakura wouldn't be able to resist telling him. He wasn't disappointed. She suddenly sat up some and leaned on his chest while trying to get Haruki to stop playing with her hair.

"I'm pregnant."

* * *

><p>It was simply too ironic, even more so because Sakura hadn't noticed it yet, understandable considering her state right now. He glanced away from the clock to where she was asleep. Seeing that she was okay, Yue looked back at the clock in the room and then glanced at the calendar. It had to be a cruel sense of irony that she had given birth on this date, a date when normally she'd be curled up in bed just like she was now, but for an entirely different reason. It was like clockwork really. November nineteenth rolled around and Sakura would relive everything; the hurt, the ache in her chest, the desire to just be numb and just wanting to sleep forever to be rid of her suffering.<p>

Now she didn't even notice that the day had come and was about to go. He hadn't mentioned it for fear that she might suddenly react badly. Not to mention he didn't have the heart to ruin her joy as she consumed herself in studying every inch of the little girl in her arms with silver hair and blue eyes. Kisami, she had named her.

Kisami was lying in the basinet next to the bed, the same one Haruki had used as a baby. She was quiet, hadn't even cried when she was born, only looking around in alert with eyes open as wide as she could get them. It wasn't until the midwife started prodding her, despite Sakura telling her to leave her alone, that she cried; to which Sakura responded by leaning forward and taking the newborn from the midwife with a soft glare. She probably would have put the woman out if she hadn't still needed her.

Yue looked at the clock again. That had been hours ago though, earlier that day in the first hours of morning. Now the day was almost over. Four minutes, twenty-seven seconds and counting. He would have been content to continue staring at the clock until midnight, but then he heard the soft whines of Kisami from next to him.

He looked at Sakura then, worn out from giving birth and showing off the newborn to her family and Tomoyo. Then Haruki had insisted on seeing her. Yue chuckled at the thought. Haruki didn't seem to like her that much yet. After that, Sakura was obviously tired but putting on a happy face for her friends. In the end, Yue put everyone out and Sakura joked afterwards that the drawback of giving birth at home was that there were no limited visiting hours.

Sighing, Yue began to gently rock the basinet to try and shush her.

"You don't want to force your mother to wake up?" Yue asked knowing the child probably didn't understand him.

Kisami's whines only started to get louder, her fist beginning to ball reflexively. Yue sighed.

"You're going to make me pick you up. Aren't you?"

Seeing that she seemed to be getting ready to wail and Sakura stirring in her sleep, Yue resigned himself to picking her up. It was a new experience for him. He had never held Haruki except briefly to pass him to someone else when he was this small, so he was a little timid about holding Kisami. She was so small and fragile. If he held her wrong, would he hurt her? He tried to recall everything Sakura said when she let Haruki hold her earlier.

"_You have to hold her head Haruki and hold her firmly, but not too tight. You don't want to crush her. Be gentle."_

He adjusted her in his arms to those particular instructions, hoping Kisami would stop her whining. She did, but didn't go back to sleep. She only opened her eyes again, staring at him. He could already tell she'd be a curious child and get into a lot of trouble and mischief, just like her mother.

"I wish I had my phone to take a picture. This is too _kawaii_," Sakura said from where she was now lying awake.

Yue sighed. It looked like Kisami had awakened her mother anyway.

Sakura then laughed. "I thought I was going to have to trick you into holding her. You wouldn't even touch my stomach for a while."

It was true. After she had initially told him, it took Yue a while to get used to the idea of her pregnancy. Not to mention dealing with a Sakura who embraced the changes caused by her pregnancy was very different than the one who denied she was pregnant more than half her pregnancy the first time. Put simply, she was a spoiled brat and after more than a few times of refusing to put up with her childish demands, he had been called insensitive and put out the house a few times (Sakura would say it was only once, but Yue remembered at _least_ three occasions). Then she'd come crying to him and apologize for putting him out before asking him to come back home and then being a spoiled brat again. It never ended. Yue had to say, he was relieved when she went into labor, though he'd never admit that to her. As far as she knew, he took it in stride like he did everything else. But he secretly admitted to himself that she had succeeded in nearly driving him crazy.

"She looks like you," Sakura said sitting up. "She's quiet too. She hasn't cried much today. All Haruki did was cry."

Yue remembered, but he had a feeling that had to do with the different circumstances. Not the rape, but she had only been sixteen then and so young; not that she wasn't young now. She was still five months from turning twenty, but older and better prepared for motherhood than she had been then.

"What do you think of her Yue?"

"Honestly?" Yue asked dryly and Sakura nodded. "It's going to be hell keeping boys away from her."

Sakura laughed and held out her arms to take her from him, but Yue shook his head.

"I have her."

Sakura smiled at the affectionate way he was looking at her. He finally seemed comfortable with her and even though she was quiet, he wasn't trying to put her back in the basinet.

"She's going to have you wrapped around her finger before the week is out," Sakura replied lying back down.

The reminder of time made Yue glance back at the calendar and then the clock on the wall. He had been so consumed in Kisami, he hadn't realized it was now a few minutes past midnight. Sakura looked between him and the clock.

"Are you counting how old she is right to the second or something? You've been watching the clock and that calendar all day," Sakura said seriously. She knew Yue could sometimes be a little meticulous, but not that much.

Yue didn't answer only looking back down at Kisami. Sakura sat up again, this time frowning.

"Seriously, what is it? You've been rather quiet all day," Sakura pointed out.

At first he was going to wait a few weeks before he mentioned it, but seeing that Sakura wasn't going to let up about he said, "November nineteenth."

"You're remembering her birthday?" Sakura asked slowly in confusion.

"No. Something else."

The fact that Sakura didn't realize it immediately and the fact that saying the date didn't trigger a reaction or recollection of anything at all besides Kisami's birthday made Yue realize how overjoyed she really was to have Kisami, so much so that she forgot the date of something that had pretty much dictated everything she did for the last four years. She couldn't even look at the clock if it read eleven nineteen without getting that dazed anxious look in her eyes.

She didn't ask him what he meant again and laid back down. It was a few minutes later that she gasped as the realization came to her. Yue watched her carefully to see how she'd react. She slowly sat up and looked at the clock, then the calendar letting out a soft, "oh."

Then she looked at Yue and Kisami, holding her hands out again.

"Give her to me Yue."

Yue had half the mind not to, not sure how this would affect how she related to the little girl, but he handed Kisami to her mother anyway. If Sakura got violent, he was standing right there to take her out the room if need be.

Sakura then held Kisami to her chest slowly beginning to rock a little back and forth, with head down and eyes closed. After a few minutes, Yue noticed she was crying silently.

"Sakura…?"

She let out something that was a cross between a laugh and a sob in response before kissing the now sleeping Kisami on her forehead and whispering, "Thank you little one."

* * *

><p>"This many papa."<p>

"Just one," Yue said ignoring the two fingers his daughter was holding up as he slid the cookie container towards him. "Your mother already doesn't want you to have them."

"And now I know where she's been getting them."

Both Yue and child froze. Caught.

Sakura went over to pick up her two-year-old, sighing as she checked the girl's teeth.

"She'll have cavities long before I can take her to the dentist at this rate," she said.

"One cookie every now and then won't hurt. You don't need to take her to the dentist anyway. There's something you have called magic," Yue said handing Kisami the cookie anyway, despite the way Sakura scowled at him. Then he handed Kisami a second cookie and Sakura prepared to scold him, but before she could he said to Kisami, "That one's for Haruki."

"Thank you," the girl said jumping out her mother's arms to find her brother who was outside.

"You can't go feeding her cookies in the middle of the day. She won't want dinner. Children-"

"Can't live on cookies," Yue said rolling his eyes. "You're too uptight with them sometimes. Dinner isn't for another three hours and in case you haven't noticed, those two eat all day. They'll be hungry again by then… Before then."

Sakura sighed, looking at Yue who looked unperturbed by her annoyance. Sometimes she wondered if this was the same Yue she met nearly a decade ago. Had he always been this laid back and nonchalant about everything? Yes, Sakura admitted to herself. Maybe she just hadn't noticed it so much because she paid more attention to the times he was irritated or criticizing her or even glaring at everyone when they were getting on his nerve. Then again, he had been rather moody back then. But now? Kisami had him wrapped around her finger. It was as funny to Sakura as it was annoying really. There was hardly anything she could ask of him that he may say no to. He treated Haruki the same way. He spoiled them both really, but Kisami held a certain charm over Yue that Haruki couldn't match.

"You're spoiling them both," Sakura grumbled.

"If they have only half a pure heart as you, they won't be affected."

Sakura blushed a little, not completely out of modesty, or bashfulness, but because she didn't quite belief the words. A few years ago, she might have scoffed at the idea. Years later, almost six if she counted, her assault still bothered her though not nearly as much as before. It lingered in the back of her mind, sometimes coming out in her actions subconsciously. Her protectiveness of Haruki and Kisami was one of them, that and her need for privacy even in the midst of a very social and typically non-private career. She was just a tad paranoid too, having an acute awareness of everything going on around her though that could be said to have been blamed on the sudden explosion of her magical potential once she stopped suppressing it.

She used to get depressed on November nineteenth, but Kisami's birth on that day had cured that. Now it wasn't something she remembered anymore, too consumed in the joy surrounding celebrating the little girl's birthday.

But there was another day she remembered, one that brought her a strange comfort.

"It's December third," Sakura said peaking out the kitchen window and into the backyard where Haruki sat with Kisami, ever the protective older brother, something that seemed to annoy Kisami. Her blue cat-like eyes glowed for a moment, before an invisible force gently shoved her brother away from her leaving Haruki staring dumbfounded as Kisami laughed in delight.

"They're in the same spot," Sakura muttered and then turned to a relatively quiet Yue. "I'm glad you forced me to tell, for everyone's sake. I wanted to die. You didn't know it, but I had the pills in my pocket, sleeping pills. I just wanted to sleep away everything. I was going to swallow the whole bottle. I just wanted to see the stars one last time. Thank you for stopping me. I would have missed out."

There were no words to say in response to such an admission and so they both just stood there, watching as Haruki and Kisami played with a Frisbee, succeeding in getting it stuck in a tree once or twice. But Kisami, having just recently discovered the things she could do with magic, easily levitated it back down.

"No Kisami!" Haruki said. "Someone might see!"

Kisami laughed again, but let the Frisbee freefall the rest of the way.

"I'll never tell," Sakura muttered more to herself than to Yue though he did respond.

"Tell what?"

"Haruki will never know, neither will Kisami. I love them both the same regardless of the differences in their conception," Sakura said sighing.

Yue had a feeling though that one day, Haruki would figure it out, that he wasn't quite the same as his sister. He would wonder why his magic wasn't as powerful as hers, and Sakura would have to tell, out of necessity when Haruki started to ask who his biological father was. Haruki was just too smart not to eventually figure it out when he was older. But he didn't tell Sakura this. It was an issue for a day that was years to come.

"This is one of those things," Sakura said. "Something that was really bad, that might have been better off not happening, but in hindsight if I got the chance to relive it… If I got the chance to relive it, I don't know if I would want to change it. Is that as horrible as it sounds? That I would go through all that again, just to get here?"

Yue didn't answer. It was like she said. It was one of those things. Things would definitely be different. No Haruki, no Kisami, and more than likely, the two of them wouldn't be either. He'd be in America with Toya and Yukito more than likely, still sharing a body and Sakura might be planning a wedding with Syaoran if memory served him right about how serious they had been at the time. Amazing that one event could change the course of a lifetime…

"I think it might be better not to dwell on," Yue said. "It only means you've finally come to some sort of acceptance."

"Kisami! You little brat!"

Sakura looked back outside, to see Haruki and Kisami gone, and Kisami's unmistakable giggling coming from upstairs. One of her favorite pastimes was unplugging Kero's video game while he was in the middle of playing. She loved his dramatic reaction, and Haruki also enjoyed the ensuing chaos.

"_Sorry Kero-chan!_"

"You're not you… you… Sakura!"

Something crashed and Kisami was heard laughing again, this time joined by her brother.

Sakura and Yue exchanged a look.

"I'll go see what happened," Sakura said sighing. Never a dull moment.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> So this was just one of those stories that hit me one day and since I wasn't really interested and making it a long novel length story, I made it a short story (if you call roughly 30k words short). It was also something to pacify everyone until I can get _Love Always_ out which is… well it's long. I'll be forever putting that story up. But more on that story later. About this story.

Let's start with the title. This story is actually named for that ending conversation Yue and Sakura have. The title itself is something Yoda says in Star Wars and as a Star Wars fan, I thought it was rather fitting.

Originally, Sakura didn't confess so early, at least it wasn't my intention when I wrote the very short one-shot version of this (it comes in at 4k words). But my muses had other ideas and it just fit in so well in the first part. Next, Haruki was supposed to play a larger role, but because I didn't want this to get longer I actually took out a scene and decided not to write a scene I had in mind because it took away from what this part was about.

Next, there was actually two ways this story could have gone. One was this way and the other took a dark route where Sakura did get the abortion and her life kind of spirals out of control after that. Alas, I said I'd leave the darkness for _Love Always_. In terms of what to do with Syaoran… I purposely omitted that from the first two parts because initially I didn't plan on bringing him into the story. But then my muses said, "No! You can't just ignore that she was previously in a long distance relationship with Syaoran! You can't change canon!" Rolls eyes. I could have ignored it, but since my muses got on my nerve I threw that first part together and actually ended up glad that I wrote it. But my muses better shut up for _Love Always_ I'm doing what I want… within reason of course.

Anyway, there are probably some loose ends and it's kind of meant to be that way, but if you have questions on them, I'll gladly answer them if you leave it in a review or just pm me. And anyone who wants to read the oneshot this was based off of can just request it and see how this story evolved from it. I was going to post it as an added special chapter, but I decided against it. So now to rush three essay in the next four weeks, and hope Verizon sends me an acceptable replacement for my phone. Until _Love Always_,

Hope you enjoyed. Review Please! Lady Dae signing out.


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